Underbelly
by timewaster123456789
Summary: A collection of one-shots. Remixed 1/19.
1. Void (Ulq)

**A/n: I own nothing. Please checkout my pack mates fics Sesshomarufreak, TheDrunkenWerewolf and Ganymede Lullaby. Also read Totoromo's comedy pieces she(?) is hilarious. Set from when Yammy and Ulquiorra meet to** ** **the ulq/ichigo fight anime 270-3** **

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When Ulquiorra first arrived at las Noches he was still just a vasto lorde. After wandering the halls for a bit he came across a huge arrancar standing in front of a presumably locked door, repeatedly trying to get a key to work. After watching in vague amusement for a while it simply got pathetic and he approached the arrancar. He was weaker than most everyone else here and an ally would be useful.

"What is the problem?" he asked.

"Key's bad," the huge arrancar replied trying the key again to demonstrate. Okay so obviously not a member of Aizen-sama's think tank. Ulquioraa sighed.

"Let me see?" he offered. The arrancar handed him the key-ring and he proceeded to try different ones.

"It's that one," the arrancar said pointing.

"That one is obviously not working," he replied. Thankfully the key he was currently trying did, he could feel murderous anger building in the arrancar's reiatsu.

"But…It's that one," he said confused.

Ulquiorra shrugged, "Maybe you accidentally moved them," it didn't seem outside of the realm of possibility.

"No!" he snapped. Ulquiorra let the conversation drop, as he turned to walk away he saw a flash of electric blue hair and frowned.

X

The blue haired arrancar approached him that evening. He learned later that the arrancar's name was Grimmjow. In hindsight this was obvious, who else was that juvenile?

"You ruined my fun," he snarled.

"What?" Ulquiorra asked.

"You gave Yammy his key. I wanted to see how long it was going to take," he replied. Ulquioraa considered enlightening the man as to the definition of 'fun' but, decided that it wasn't worth the effort.

"I think you would have been waiting awhile," he replied. Grimmjow barked a laugh.

"I guess I'm jus' gonna have to let you entertain me instead," he said. "Run!" Ulquioraa did just that but, a vasto lorde no matter how powerful is no match for an arrancar and he quickly found himself becoming acquainted with a wall. For the next ten minutes Grimmjow playfully beat him half to death. He lay dazed on the floor waiting for the next blow to fall when suddenly his assailant went flying into the wall next to him sliding into a heap a few feet away. He raised his head slowly expecting to see Aizen-sama, only to be greeted by the huge arrancar again.

"The fuck are you doing," Grimmjow snarled rising to his feet. Yammy didn't answer, merely stood there radiating malice, Grimmjow made as graceful a retreat as he could mumbling something about having Shinigami to kill.

"You're called Yammy right?" Ulquiorra asked.

"Yes,"

"Why did you help?"

"Fuck Grimjoww," well at least this Yammy was succinct.

He contemplated it for a moment and decided that it was a perfectly reasonable explanation,"Well thank you regardless, I'm Ulquioraa."

x

When he became an Espada they found…he wouldn't deign to call it friendship it was more symbiosis. Yammy took advantage of his intellect and in exchange gave him a ridiculous amount of loyalty and obedience despite his power and shifting status. It was an…acceptable situation.

x

Ulquiorra was of value to Aizen-sama because he was different from the other arrancar. He did not cause any infighting outside of Grimjoww's jealousy of him, followed orders to the letter not seeking his own glory, in short he had no ambition,. He didn't care where he stood. His only desire was to make others feel as empty as he. In a world where everyone was like him, with that hole in their chest he wouldn't be alone. He couldn't understand the passion others felt, striving for what? Why? It made no sense, caused nothing but trouble and was extremely annoying besides.

Then he met her, a simple job acquire and break the god-girl. No matter how hard he tried though he could _not_ break her, she kept talking about her damn friends like they were some sort of tailisman. He began to think that maybe that this was why people had passion, there was utterly illogical strength in it. He didn't understand this thing, wanted to toy and experiment with it but, orders were orders. Then the day came that he realized he'd never break her. He'd left the room more abruptly than he should have, returning to his quarters. For the first time in memory he wished he could weep, yet no tears came.

x

He preferred midnight, the hour of despair, his hour. As he fought Ichigo under the Hueco Mundo night sky he felt the closest thing to alive that he could feel. He watched the demonic form before him, so similar yet so different, fueled by rage and helplessness rather then pure emptiness. He realized that he was seeing his opponent's darkest moment. Perhaps if he defeated Ichigo his opponent would despair. Maybe they could stay together in the pitch black forever and he wouldn't be alone any more.

That old fool Barragan had one thing right: everything with awareness of itself be it human, Shinigami or even arrancar needed something to believe in…a leader, a god, a cause. He had nothing, his death aspect was emptiness, nihilism then Aizen-sama had come. What he wanted, his ambition didn't matter to Ulquiorra. It was enough that the man had a mission and he could help. He had a purpose now even if it wasn't his own.

As the contest wore on and blood dripped from both his and his opponant's accumulating wounds he wondered if perhaps he'd misunderstood the godgirl's speeches about her 'heart'. Perhaps she had been talking about a sort of belief, the belief that her friends would save her. He saw the strength that Kurosaki drew from his 'need' to do so. He had seen the archer fight him, completely aware that he couldn't win just to give the godgirl time to heal Kurosaki. It could be argued that the boy guessed his friend being healed was the only way he himself could survive, but he likely would have had a better shot just running and he wasn't stupid. He fought because he believed that he could save Kurosaki who would in turn stay to save him and the godgirl. It was an incredible case study.

Enlightened self-interest was what drove Ulquiorra to move his broken body and strike the white demon, if Kurosaki killed the archer, he would then finish off Ulquiorra himself. It had absolutely nothing to do with the godgirl's tearful begging. What difference did it make to him if one of her people killed the other when they were all going to die anyway? Her shrieking _was_ hurting his ears though, he did wish she'd stop.

x

As her captor faded away Orihime knew. He had kept asking if she was scared because he genuinely didn't understand. He knew that he'd die alone, in his mind everyone would. Of course the fact that she wasn't scared wouldn't make sense to him. He wouldn't be able to grasp how she knew that she'd be remembered, that her friends would fight on and carry her memory with them. He wasn't so lucky and in that moment she could see the terror in his eyes. She reached out to him and saw the change when he figured out that she _had_ grown to care a little despite herself, in this one moment he wasn't alone. She saw the look— as close to peace as she'd seen—cross his face as he disappeared.


	2. Humanity (Uki,Kyo,Stark)

**A/n: I own nothing. Please r &r Sesshomarufreaks' fics if you like yaoi.. Also read Totoromo's comedy pieces she(?) is hilarious. Spoilers for decide arc. References to anime only material from ep 281-3. Some inspiration taken from tvtropes page. ******(partially taken from an actual story on a doc about ptsd in veterans)****

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He slept most days away, there wasn't much else do. He'd wanted companionship so badly and wasn't technically alone anymore so it _was_ an improvement. Among the arrancar though there was nothing but, posturing and infighting. The only one he could remotely stand was Ulquioraa and he was depressed enough without the walking cyanide pill, thank you very much.

Among their Shinigami leaders the blind one was just irritating and the one called Gin creeped him out a bit, there was just something off about the young man. It didn't matter what he thought anyway, Gin had tried to set a firetrap in his bed once. After watching him simply lay down on the floor next to his burnt bed to sleep Gin had loudly declared him boring and left his spot in a shadowed corner of the room. They didn't interact much after that. As for Aizen-sama…while the others often got missions and tasks to complete Aizen _never_ interacted with him outside of meetings. It was to the point where, if he didn't spend most of the day sequestered in his room he'd have suspected it was deliberate. He didn't know why this was but, did not dare question the lord for fear of being kicked out of the little cabal.

x

Kyoraku watched his opponent waiting for one of them to make a move, knowing the other wanted this even less than he did. One of the hardest lessons for young Shinigami to learn and one that many, particularly in the second squad willfully ignored was that barring hollows, most enemies were human after a fashion. They had motivations and weak points no different than Shinigami themselves. It was a truth that could be extremely helpful or utterly break a kid's will to fight. A brief glance was all it took for him to see Stark's concern for the little one fighting Ukitake. The subsequent ice cold denial did nothing to change his assumptions; he'd seen Soitaichou order the deaths of men he'd trained without blinking, knew it killed him to do so. He himself had killed good friends without turning a hair…only to hours or even weeks later get crying drunk with Ukitake. Ukitake for his part claimed not to remember those nights, though his friend's tendency to drink a fraction of what he did made him wonder about that though. He somehow doubted that Stark would have the same support. He made his digs trying to rile his opponent even as he offered comfort. There was no need to make your opponent hate you. It just made things that much more difficult. In particular he didn't care to give this opponent a personal reason to kill him. At any rate why not…they weren't that different after all.

x

It wasn't uncommon to want to save your last form, be it resurreccion or 'bankai' until you couldn't wait anymore. For some it was a matter of not showing their hand, for others it was simply pride or arrogance. As usual he and Lilynette were different, he hated going into resurreccion for the fear almost phobic in its irrationality, that he wouldn't be able to reverse it. The idea that he'd again be stuck as a single entity terrified him beyond tactical concerns.

It was indeed better than it had been but, something still disquieted him. It wasn't until he was driven to fight those annoying shinigami that he began to realize why. These people would block for each other and fought side by side without any—or at least much—one-upmanship. They trusted each other. When Barragan died he realized that not only did the Arrancar not care about each other, Aizen-sama didn't give a damn about any of them either.

He did not grieve for Barragan's death or at least not solely but, for the fact that Aizen-sama had pulled the rug from beneath him. He wasn't fighting for a leader or a cause, the arrancar were being used just to be discarded. He grieved for the faith that Aizen-sama had broken. Yet still he owed the man for giving him some respite. Lilynette tells him to dodge, he was going to he was uninterested not suicidal, at least not seriously so.

Lilynette asked what was wrong and he told her to shut up, his voice harsh with the effort of keeping it even. She taunted him trying to snap him out of it to fight, yet there was more concern than bite in her tone. It still stung for how accurate it was, the burn in his eyes wasn't strictly from whacking her on his head. He understood the reason for his apprehension now; he only had a facsimile of what he sought. Put simply he was fighting for the wrong side.

Later when Lilynette asked if he was alright she didn't just mean physically. His voice cracked as he commented on their opponents strength, he'd finally found half a dozen people who could survive his presence and they were all enemies. Lilynette had often bitched that he wore his heart on his sleeve, his argument was that she'd gotten all the energy, fighting will and aggression from whatever entity they had once been so obviously he got everything else. She was going to fight though and letting her do so alone was not an option. He did wish she'd shut up though, he did _not_ want this hard-bitten dual-wielder who'd so easily picked out his vulnerability to know she was still there.

x

"He didn't want to fight," Kyoraku said quietly as he poured the sake.

"I know. It was an unpleasant situation all around," Ukitake said evenly, hearing the tension in his old friend's voice and sensing the storm brewing.

"He cried," Kyoraku continued.

"Eh?" he asked drinking his dish of sake.

"When I killed the girl…he fought me with tears on his face," his friend's voice shook just enough to give lie to his laid back attitude.

"He didn't seem like the others," he replied knowing that he couldn't make this right, could only listen.

"I didn't care," Kyoraku said. _Sure you didn't,_ he thought sadly. Silence fell as Kyoraku poured more sake with a shaking hand. He spilt some but, Ukitake didn't move to do it himself, knowing the other man's habits. He knew the script well and if he moved too soon it would just drive the Kyoraku away. The conversation wandered about for a while after that and eventually Ukitake cut himself off while Kyoraku continued to drink alone his voice beginning to slur a bit.

"W…what I d-did…it was wrong, evil," he said, emotion more than liquor making his voice break.

"You saved Love and Rose," he said soothingly. Refraining from throwing his friend's mantra about all sides being evil back in his face. It wouldn't help, he already knew it intellectually.

"Don't try to justify it!" he snapped slurring slightly. Tears began to spill from his eyes, "Th-there's no w-way to make that r…r…" he couldn't finish the sentence and merely closed his eyes, crying silently. Ukitake moved to embrace him, now he could break the charade, now he could give comfort. He would let the captain grieve another piece of his soul and the next day, when Kyoraku asked what happened Ukitake would claim to not remember either though he suspected his friend was lying too.

It was something they left out at the academy though every Shinigami who lived long enough learned it eventually: sometimes the right thing to do was wrong.


	3. Better to be Feared (Soi Fon)

**A/n: I own nothing. If you like this please check out my pack-mates SesshomaruFreak, Ganymede Lullaby and TheDrunkenWerewolf.** ** **I'm not a feminist by any stretch but, I feel Soi fon is and will write her accordingly. My view of Soifon and Ryuuken if anyone cares is largely inspired by NCfan an excellent and prolific writer whom I will read more thoroughly someday when accidental plagiarism isn't an issue, ya'll should do the same.****

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It was like being reborn to have someone pull you from desolation and give you something to live for. She'd lost that when Yoruichi left, had cried for a week when her glorious goddess disappeared. She saw the same—if less deferential—devotion in Yachiru and was jealous beyond anything approaching sanity. Years later, as captain she'd knelt by her best friend while the vice-captain gasped their dying breaths. As tears fell on their joined hands, she begged him to hang on, the fourth was almost there.

Now she glared at her squad as they trained. Walking the ranks, telling them in very clear, blunt terms how to improve. When they were done Omaeda asked if she wanted to go out with the officers, as usual she told him to stick it up his lard-filled ass. She wouldn't bond with her tools. She couldn't, it would kill her.

So she just walked out of the barracks alone, trying to hide how much it stung, knowing the things they called her behind her back. She was only hard on them to make them better. She pushed them no harder than she pushed herself. Okay so she looked down on them but, she _was_ better than them. She hated being the only female captain—she didn't count fourth squad—if she'd been male she would have gotten respect. She was no more arrogant or demanding than Byakuya yet no one would dare speak so crudely of him.

An assassin thriving in shadow, reveling in her anger and solitude as they consumed her. Once Yoruichi used to try to lighten her up, to keep her own pessimism from killing her but those days were decades past now. She wondered sometimes if she'd crossed that line from dark to evil then looked at Mayuri and knew light still pierced her shadows.

x

She ran toward the danger, adrenaline pounding in her veins. All of Seireitei was in terror over the new threat. She ordered her squad on, breaking it into teams, pushing aside her own dread. She berated those she commanded, partly to goad them into action and partly for distraction to give her a sense of control. She ran toward the mortal danger and tried to convince her squad that they weren't scared because then she might be able to convince herself. That was what it meant to be second squad.

She had no use for lazy or careless subordinates. It was why she drove them so hard. Second division and eleventh had the highest unintentional casualty rate; you could thank Mayuri for the existence of that creepy distinction. When they were fighting Barragan however she heard Omaeda cast a level twenty kido without the incantation. He proceeded to immediately berating himself for being bad at kido. It crossed her mind that perhaps you could go too far with negative reinforcement. It had never occurred to her that a beaten down solider with no confidence would also be a liability. She expected, no demanded that they be stronger than that.

When he mentioned later how scary Barragan had been she hesitated to answer, before brushing it off. She was still a captain and especially as captain of the second could not admit to fear, even if it did put her vice at ease. What was self-esteem worth anyway? He could earn it like the others.

x

She lay on her cot, holding the blackcat plushie she only brought out in secret and thinking back on the battle against Barragan. How many times had that oaf saved her life? It was disgusting, what made him think she needed it? No vice would do though, she could never replicate the rapport she'd had with her first vice. Indeed she would prefer never to get that close to one of her tools again. Meredith brooks' 'bitch' was stuck in her head again.

She believed wholeheartedly that caring for ones subordinate was a bad idea, particularly in second squad and punishment force but, also in general. Her personal experiences aside she'd seen the way Ukitake fought tears at his vice's funeral, the way Aizen used Hinamori against young Toshiro. She'd seen what Kyoraku's infatuation with his vices—heh—and the subsequent loss of Lisa had done to him. Tousen's betrayal and death had torn Komamura-taichou apart and almost got him killed. Yeah definitely a bad idea but, then why had Yoruichi-sama done so?


	4. Defection (Hisagi)

****A/N: please review even if you have to flame I just honestly want to know what you think and I'll review your fics. I own nothing. Allusions to zanpakuto arc and the semi-cannon honey dish rhapsody.****

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A young Hisagi looked up at Kensei-taichou, the consummate warrior cold and untouchable. Even as he admonished him for crying, Hisagi decided that the man was everything he wanted to be. Someone who wouldn't have felt fear, wouldn't have tried to run. As he got older he did his best to emulate his savior, to him the 6-9 meant protection, security.

He hadn't seen Kensei almost breakdown when Mashiro found the uniforms of their ten comrades, holding himself together because his squad was there and a captain had to be strong for their subordinates. He hadn't felt the fear that'd flooded his hero at the thought of a foe so dangerous as to take out ten soul reapers without issue or notice. Fear that he pushed aside only because protecting the Seireitei was more important.

x

The ninth division had long had a vision toward the improvement of the world. It was a little gift that Tousen left them. After his defection one could not help but, wonder what to do when their beloved leader essentially said that there wasn't anything worth saving. That the only path forward was burning it all to the ground and starting new. When Hisagi looked toward the future he saw nothing but, corruption. He raised his glass in a silent toast to his erstwhile mentor. Even in breaking the law he illuminated injustice. Hisagi turned his thoughts toward past battles he couldn't bring himself to contemplate future any longer.

Unfortunately wallowing wasn't an option as Tousen had also 'gifted' him with the captaincy of the ninth. Wanting to assert himself in his floundering, headless division he'd decided to come down hard and get control quickly with a harsh set of rules to restore discipline. He found himself on his back with a black eye and split-lip. Realizing his hubris, he chalked it up to a training accident, no repercussions. He was the only (acting) captain ever to have won a division's undying loyalty in a day.

Hisagi struggled to hold his squad together keeping up with all the work that Tousen had undertaken. At the same time he watched his best friend teeter on a perilous ridge between alcoholism and depression. He saw Momo in a pit of isolation and near catatonia and wished he could help but, he barely had time to sleep and train with all of the work the ninth had immediately following Tousen's defection. It was a good thing too, it was the bulwark between him and the pit.

x

Rangiku Drank with Kira and occasionally Hisagi when he had time. She would sometimes visit Momo when her captain was too busy. She'd sit there and drink, sometimes read to her and other times she'd just stroke her hair and do her best to act maternal though she had no instinct for it. Despite her usual aversion to work she didn't really mind picking up the pieces. At least it distracted her from Gin.

x

In the weeks following Aizen's defection he often found himself standing next to the grave of Tousen-tai…Tousen's friend. More often than not Komamura-taichou did the same. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they just kept companionable silence, mourning the man they'd called friend and mentor respectively.

Today Hisagi spoke, "You know the more I think about it, the more I realize that it was sort of inevitable. I mean how can anyone see the things we see, do what we do and never show anger. That much repression…it's no real surprise he snapped."

Komamura gave a low growl of assent, "He believed anger to be immoral, the root of all injustice." They were silent while Hisagi thought on that and wondered why he'd never seen that his captain was burdened so. He'd always seemed so collected, above it all.

"Komamura-taichou?" he asked on impulse and the captain turned his head waiting. "He kept asking me what the sky looked like, how many clouds there were, do you know what he meant?" he asked his voice getting shaky halfway through.

"No. Perhaps he was merely curious if you saw the world as…overcast as he does," the captain answered. Hisagi thought his voice caught a bit as well but, didn't say anything.

x

They had gone out for drinks to celebrate Hinamori's recovery from Aizen's stabbing. The stress of their new duties was apparent in the drawn faces of Hisagi and Kira. The mere fact the Hinamori was actually drinking attested to her state of mind. Rangiku for her part was trying to hit oblivion as fast as possible counting herself lucky to still have a captain to rant at her about it. It occurred to her with the strange obvious clarity that comes to the half-hammered that you didn't truly know who you were until you lost the crutches you leaned on. She glanced at her companions and saw a girl who'd been rejected by her first crush, a scared kid with self-esteem issues and someone who saw himself as far weaker than he was, thrust in to a job he didn't feel cut out for. As for herself she was lucky, very lucky Gin was cruel enough that she'd never relied on him.

x

Later he stared at his masked former captain in horror. He could feel it when he was at his lowest, the part of him that didn't want to be a crybaby little bitch, that didn't want to be scared anymore, the part that wanted _power_. The small whispering part of him that was almost envious of what ca…Tousen had done. A part that Tousen himself had taught him to fear, and he did, he was _terrified_ of that shadowy corner of his soul. When that little voice started getting louder Kira somehow always seemed to know. They would go out for drinks and the normally morose Shinigami would crack jokes and try with utter hilarious incompetence to hook him up with a chick. The voice would get drowned out by laughter. Not now though, now he stared at what Tousen had become horrified and envious and wishing for anything to drown out that voice.

Hisagi looked at the captain and saw the truth in his words. It was in his eyes even as he pledged acceptance to that friend, were something to happen to Tousen the wolf would be as empty and lost as he claimed. Hisagi didn't think he'd being doing much better, blinking back tears as he moved so his cap…former captain could get a better look at him. Blood sprayed his face and it took him a moment to register Aizen's killing blow. As Komamura-taichou screamed Aizen's name in fury Hisagi cursed the world and the man that could put such a look of murderous hate on the face of so goodhearted a soul. Be careful what you wish for he thought bitterly. The voice might be quiet but, that scream was burned into his memory.

As he fought over the Karakura replica and later when he mourned the fallen—yes even Tousen— he had no idea how close he'd actually come to his goal. All he knew was that being acting captain sucked ass.


	5. Zanpakuto Rebellion (ensemble)

**A/N: I own nothing. Informed by the Voice acting. As usual please R &R my packmates Sesshomarufreak, TheDunkenWerewolf, Ganymeade Lullaby and Zerolr. Warnings: sappiness.**

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"…Our words will no longer reach him," I said, seeing my old friend's resolve wavering as he tried to talk his son-in-law down. For a moment when Ginrei-kun was thrown back, I thought that perhaps I would be forced to fight this battle alone. I could hardly blame the man for not wanting to raise his sword against the boy who was practically a son to him. I had no idea what I would do in the same position with Juushiro and hoped to never find out. Then the crawling rope shot out and my stalwart friend was back on his feet, doing his clan proud as always.

x

In a sick way I understood Koga. A man of immense power, he'd married into my clan expecting respect to fall on his shoulders and he was utterly terrified of losing that status. He didn't realize and perhaps the fault there lay with myself, that the respect our clan receives comes from the way we conduct ourselves and our service to Seireitei as much as from power or inheritance. Koga had merely strapped himself in the accoutrements of a noble, without any of the dignity, bearing or reserve one had come to expect. Add the jealousy, fear of his power and of course he'd become a target. No it wasn't fair that they feared him, but he could have proven his loyalty and control to Yamamoto. He could have understood that anyone can be defeated and without humbleness he was setting himself up for failure.

At the end of the day I can see how preventable it had been, if Seireitei hadn't feared him baselessly, if he hadn't been so overconfident as to give those fears merit, if he'd just listened. Maybe if I had explained to him that I would fix things, rather than trying to teach the boy a lesson…maybe it would have been different. The huge double doors close behind me as my grandson leaves and a single tear falls. I've many regrets in this too long life but, what has happened to Koga is one of the greatest and casting the burden of that mistake on Bya-chan isn't far behind. He can handle it though. I've learned from my mistakes, I did better this time. I hope.

x

Byakuya watched the clawed man, from the back of the group with apprehension. He felt vulnerable with his bankai malfunctioning, knew he'd be at a disadvantage to border on burden in any coming fight. It wasn't something that he'd felt in a long time and he'd been determined to fix the problem in short order. As things were turning out however it seemed like it were less his own weakness and more some form of attack the clawed man had instigated. If he couldn't help he was content to stay at the back and keep his hands clean, he wasn't an eleventh squad barbarian, saw no point in fighting to prove something he'd long since proven. However it seemed they were all on the same bankai-less footing. At any rate he couldn't help feeling affronted as the manifestation of Sebonzakura walked past him. Shame turning to anger, he strode up to stand with Ukitake-taichou and confront this clawed man who'd so overextended himself. He might not be in a position to do much but, neither were the others and there was no way he was going to let somebody steal Sebonzakura or slaughter his comrades while he hid in the back.

x

'He's fine' that was what he'd said, as confidently as he could fake. 'You know just how strong he is' technically that one wasn't a lie; it was merely based on her own assumption. No he didn't see the delicate noble through the rose-colored glasses she did, but the effort was worth it for the fragile smile that lit Rukia's worried face.

When people spend a lot of time around each other you start to notice the traits bleeding over. Chad' had a mellowing effect on him, Orihime for better or worse—he was going with worse— was picking up some of their bolder traits. In Rukia he could see flashes of Renji's aggression, though the redhead swore she'd always been that way and Orihime's bubbliness. It wasn't until he saw her calmly reciting a kido incantation. Her voice strong and inflectionless as she advanced inexorably into the white vortex heedless of the consequences that he understood why her zanpakuto was an ice form. It was at that moment that he saw the resemblance blood be damn to the man she'd shared a home— if not much else—with for longer than he'd been alive.

Later, well after the fact, he realized that somewhere along the line despite himself, he'd developed something approaching respect for Byakuya. Maybe it was when he took the sword for Rukia and at least partially fixed the clusterfuck he'd caused or maybe it was when he'd helped save Ichigo from Yammy. Then again maybe Rukia's near worship _was_ rubbing off on him a little, either way betrayal didn't hurt this much if you didn't trust someone at least a little. You could count on roughly two things in Soul Society one was Zaraki showing up at any sticky situation and never backing down the other was that Byakuya would be where needed, when needed almost as though by accident. The bastard had style he had to admit that. What stung worst though was that the noble didn't respect any of them, even Renji enough to at least tell them why. When everything calmed down he realized that the older man had answered as honestly as circumstances had allowed. 'Pride'. He'd been the one to assume that the word meant personal pride and go back to being pissed.

X

Again Renji hadn't been enough to protect Rukia. Hadn't been strong enough, fast enough, good enough…and it very might have cost both Rukia and his captain their lives. He hadn't seen either of them since and Rukia's absence in particular had him worried and guilty to the point of physical illness. The fact that again he'd been shown up by said captain, despite how much he'd improved would have galled him to no end had it not saved Rukia's life. Then he heard 'Niisama' and looked up to see Rukia frozen in the doorway. He felt his heart start beating again and rushed over to her so happy that he actually choked up little.

X

Identical smiles spread across the faces of Ikkaku and Yumichika when they felt the hellish reiatsu flare. Even if they died where they lie, they knew that they would be avenged. It was something no one who hadn't been in the eleventh would likely understand but it brought them comfort like the warmest blanket. They would die happy now.

X

When Renji saw Zaraki and Byakuya fighting and called to his captain he honestly couldn't have said who he was calling to or which one he was concerned for. In truth it was probably both. With his captain's betrayal he felt like a stray not quite sure where he belonged.

Days later on a battlefield in the real world, he playfully taunted his captain, forgetting who he was talking to for a moment as he fell into old eleventh squad habits in the heat of battle. The answering silence brought him back to the present. He was trying to find the words to express…something, how happy he was that his captain hadn't actually betrayed them, how angry he'd been… he wasn't quite sure.

"Renji let's go," the voice cut into his thoughts and go he did. There'd been acceptance in that gesture no need to talk, no longer was he a puppy trailing his various masters heels but a loyal hunting dog. When everything had settled and the rank and file were relaxing on the Kuchiki grounds he stayed out of the way, secure with his place for the first time he could remember.

X

Kyoraka saw the first squad barracks collapse amid the chaos of falling debris, leaping flames, blood chilling screams of agony and terror. The next thing he knew he was in what was left of the building digging for bodies as Hitsugaya-taichou tried to cool the flames. He found more dead than wounded and couldn't quite decide which was worse. He tried to move the wounded gently but unfortunately, speed was more important, so he just closed his ears to the agonized screams he caused. At least he tried the screams still echoed days later and the smell of burnt flesh had yet to leave his nose.

X

Everyone seemed to think that it just her nature that made Orihime risk her life to reach Muramasa. She knew they were irked; compassion didn't belong on the battlefield, poor naïve Orihime. It wasn't just compassion though. They didn't understand that when she looked into Muramasa's eyes, the eyes she saw staring back had done so for many long days. Dead green eyes filled with the same pained hollowness that Muramasa's had been. As much as she did hate to see things suffer this was also a chance to make up for what she saw as her greatest failure. At least Muramasa acknowledge he was in pain—sort of—perhaps she would succeed this time and that meant she had to try.

X

Byakuya stared, shocked as he saw the wave of black and red power cut through the menos. Not quite registering what was going on through the haze of sleepless nights, stressful days and his single-minded focus on the coming battle. He questioned Kurosaki as the boy appeared in the air below him. Ichigo explained himself and Rukia appeared next him, her eyes filled with warmth and forgiveness as though to say 'I second that'. He felt his throat tighten to see these people who he'd betrayed, in all likelihood hurt not only instantly forgive him but provide back-up that he'd never contemplated receiving. Then again given the choice he would have preferred to handle the situation without the clan's involvement becoming public knowledge, provided that could have managed without further lives lost, his own notwithstanding.

Towards the end of their battle he tried to convince Koga of how important zanpakuto were, felt obligated to try to save his auxiliary clanmate. In his exhaustion, a hint of desperation slipped into the words. Koga didn't even listen and while he acknowledged the tragedy his next words were as strong as he could have wished if a little awkward. Lecturing someone on communication when he couldn't _remember_ the last actual conversation he'd had that wasn't strictly mission critical. It crossed his mind how Rukia-chan had handled herself during the execution fiasco. As much guilt as he still—and always would—bear for that, she had faced her punishment with dignity, proved herself far stronger than this man who would call himself king. Had he been the type to do so, he would have smirked at the thought. Obviously, he wasn't going to get anywhere and so he spoke his last words to his opponent, grateful for the fact that the only person who could hear his voice crack when he spoke the clan name would be dead in moments.

x

For the sake of holding the rebellion together long enough to accomplish his mission Muramasa had hoped none of the zanpakuto found out his dirty little secret. His physical weakness didn't make blood flow from his eyes, it merely made his tears bloody. He'd known from the moment Koga had said a mere sword like him would never stand as an equal, how futile his quest was. A century and a half later with the remnants of a hollow dripping from his hand, his lips trembled with the urge to sob as he slowly destroyed himself. He'd traded everything he wanted, thought was right for the master he served and knew it was still futile. Now the orange-haired Shinigami spoke of how zanpakuto and Shinigami were supposed to interact. Like he didn't already _know_ that, like he hadn't ached for it for more than two centuries. Like the knowledge that he hadn't heard his masters call didn't tear at him even as his as the spirit world fell around them. The boy spoke of his relationship with his zanpakuto and jealousy burned in Muramasa as he attacked again.

The battle was over, the pain fading and he stared up at the tear-filled eyes of the Shinigami who held his hand as his body disintegrated.

X

Byakuya watched the exchange from the cover of the forest, his reiatsu concealed enough to blend into the background with all the powerful auras around. In his time with the zanpakutos he'd found he somewhat understood the abandoned leader. Muramasa was preforming his duty to his master despite the pain, the futility and even his own desires to the contrary, simply because it was his duty. Perhaps that was why he'd block Koga's sword when he could have allowed the man to destroy the zanpakuto first. Though the general fact that one—particularly one who carried his clan's name— shouldn't treat their zanpakuto so ignobly was more than enough justification. He thanked Ichigo and flash stepped away, trying to sort through the chaos of his thoughts as he sped home.

X

When Byakuya loaned Senbonzakura to Rukia it was partly for her protection and partly because the sword talked far too much. Annoying and distracting for him but, perhaps Rukia would appreciate it, that was the justification he gave himself at least. He was glad at least that they hadn't interacted much in front of the other Shinigami. He did not want anyone wondering why his spirit sword treated him so affectionately compared to other zanpakutos. The depths of the mind could be rather annoyingly illogical at times, ignoring known facts for insecurities the higher mind could easily ignore.

x

On the grounds of Kuchiki manor after the defeat of Muramasa, Hitsugaya sat on a low stone wall lost in thought. It struck him as strange that while most of the zanpakuto had somewhat vitriolic relationships with their Shinigami, Hyorinmaru was quite warm if reserved.

He could chalk it up to a better relationship with his zanpakuto both Momo and Matsumoto had praised it as such but that didn't quite fit. After all strictly for time's sake there was no way he had more rapport than someone like Kyoraku. A representation of his own repressed feelings didn't quite ring true either as he was quite compassionate with Momo and even Matsumoto to an extent and they were about the only people he cared about. It did make sense on one level though, he had very few people he cared about and in the Rukongai very few—roughly two— who cared about him. It was embarrassing but it stood to reason that he'd have a paternalistic figure for a zanpakuto.

Toshiro saw Rukia approaching with Sode no Shirayuki, wearing a soft smile.

"Rukia," he said

"Hitsugaya-taichou," Rukia greeted happily.

Why are you in such a good mood? Aren't you still trying to catch those swords?"

"Yes we are and I'm partly happy because I have Sode no Shirayuki here," she said with a shy smile at the queen-figure next to her, "and partly because…Did you notice that Senbonzakura is the only zanpakuto with a mask?" her eyes flicked to said zanpakuto almost unconsciously and the look was full of gratitude.

"Yeah so? he's supposed to be a samurai right? Kinda goes with the territory," he said, a note of disgust entering his voice.

"Exactly," she said quickly. He eyed her suspiciously before a very drunk Matsumoto broke the moment.


	6. Last Stand (ensemble)

**A/N: please review even if you have to flame I just honestly want to know what you think and I'll review your fics. I own nothing. This is best read with the corresponding FKT arc eps./ch. Please check out the members of my pack here u/10433321/TheFoxPack  
**

* * *

Ukitake didn't notice the change in the Gotei 13 until it was far too late, he wondered if it would have made a difference had he seen it sooner. Back when he and Kyoraka were raised to captain there'd been a bunch of them all academy mates and they were all bright-eyed, bushy tailed and ready to change the world. Even a mere hundred years ago Shinji and his buddies had been cordial, bickering and pranking like teens, there wasn't half the divisional rivalry that there was today.

He thought over the last round of captain: Mayuri was abhorrent. While perhaps, Uruhara was almost as bad, at least he had good intentions and no one could deny his charisma. Zaraki was a fighting demon which was what the Kenpachi was supposed to be, but he was not exactly a proponent of unit cohesion. Hitsugaya was so bent on getting respect that he'd veiled himself in disdainful anger and eschewed any socializing that he felt wasn't 'becoming' of a captain. Tousen had been distrustful of anyone and everything, keeping to a small circle of friends.

Komamura had until recently kept to himself for fear someone would discover his 'secret', a pity he was a truly good-hearted man. The closest thing Byakuya had ever had to a friend had been Yoruichi and he'd only become more closed off as he'd aged, even Rukia avoided him if she could. Unohana was also reticent generally keeping company only with her own division. Everybody avoided Gin instinctively, Soi-fon'd cut herself off entirely, her pain turned into an inferno of anger that no one could get near, in contrast to Yoruichi's playful compassion.

Add to that the fact that Yamamoto was utterly unapproachable; Kyoraka's skirt chasing gave him a bad reputation and his own illness often kept him out of day-to-day affairs. Was it any surprise that people turned to the affable, charismatic Aizen, he wondered how much of a hand in those promotions Aizen had taken. What he no longer wondered was how the man had torn them apart like papier-mache, the answer was painfully obvious.

x

Ikkaku heard Iba yelling at him, he didn't want to hear the truth in those terrible statements and yet the pillar was destroyed because of him. For the first time he couldn't uphold both his honor and his duty. Realized he had to choose, he chose duty, happiness be damned.

X

It's strange how often a battle or even a war turns not on the fierce solider or the hard-bitten warrior. Instead the tide shifts on faceless men in dark rooms trying to break a code or an unnamed agent gathering intelligence, a com man getting the necessary message to the frontline or the scientists making new weaponry. In this case, it was a healer convincing his guard to abandon him and rejoin the battle. The fat vice who did his best to save his captain and keep her fighting. A quiet old man who made the tactical gamble to allow potential reinforcements through in the eleventh hour. Their names would not be listed with the taichous who'd participated in the battle or even Ikkaku or Iba-fukutaichou but, without them things may have turned out quite differently. Sasakibe didn't care about that, he just prayed to anyone listening that he hadn't just made the worst mistake of his life.

X

Hachi made boundaries everyone who knew him knew that was what the former kido corps member excelled at. Nowadays though, hiding out with his fellow abominations, he saw the walls that he'd always felt so safe behind differently. There was a wall between the Visored and their humanity, another one between them and their beloved Seireitei. A wall between them and the old comrades, who now loathed them, would likely kill them on sight. Those horrific masks were a strong border than any he could ever hope to make

X

Shinji smiled grimly as he watched the battle. You always expect the good guys have pure intentions, to be wearing white hats. When things are dire, the cavalry rides to the rescue for love, friendship and justice. You fight to the death with Comrades you love like family to protect the things you care about. As Toshiro said, your sword should hold duty, responsibility and the Shinigami way or something like that. Sorry but us Visored were there for revenge. I wanted to kill Aizen and I can say the same for my companions. Well with the possible exceptions of Hachi who I'm not sure can feel hate and Lisa who might have genuinely wanted to help her former taichou. Hey revenge is pretty pure and simple right?

X

Toshiro glared at the battlefield mind racing yet going nowhere. He couldn't use that technique, couldn't control it. He wanted to though, wanted to protect the wounded so bad that it physically hurt, almost brought tears to his eyes. As the fight wore on though he started to run out of options, at least as he tired and weakened the danger lessened. He was fully aware that if he fell they would likely be quick to follow anyway. When there was only one move left on the board there was no choice but, to take it even if it might cost everything because the alternative was the same.

X

Yamamoto pretended to be surprised by the fact that the former Shinigami were hiding in the real world. Central 46 may have ordered their execution but they had committed no actual crime. Just because the order to execute them stood didn't mean he had to devote resources to their capture. On the other hand, it always paid to know where ones potential enemies were.

X

Toshiro stared wide eyed as he watched the fat newcomer decapitate three hollows at once with a barrier. He'd never felt as young as he did watching these strangers work. In his youth he wished for a sinful minute to obtain one of those evil looking mask. He wanted nothing more than to be on par with the strange warriors.

He was so used to fighting alone that though it would have galled him in less dire circumstances, he was happy just to have Lisa and Hiyori at his side. Having someone assist him for once felt…good, reassuring. His joy faded as he saw that just as his youth and power separated him from most of the Shinigami, his lack of a mask made him an outsider here as well. Always alone but, at least he had Hinamori. He could feel her wounded reiatsu below him.

x

The first time he'd seen the ryoka, months earlier Kaname had she a tear cheek as he watched the ryoka approach. The boy was badly wounded, could barely stand much less walk. He questioned himself again, was this truly the path of least bloodshed? Was his revenge really worth the injustice cutting down this boy?

Yes it was. Only by following Aizen could he destroy Seireitei thus saving more bloodshed down the road, avenging the young woman who'd been denied justice for so long and countless others wronged by the tyranny of the Shinigami. Doing violence to one innocent was certainly the lesser of two evils. Still he mourned for his own soul, even as he traded it for his revenge.

That empty-headed noble Byakuya had made little secret of the fact that he thought Kaname's fear of 'death' was disgraceful and he knew others thought him a coward even if they didn't say so. They were morons. He feared battle because even when you won it was rarely worth what you lost. He instilled and encouraged this healthy fear in his squad because it served Aizen's purpose and, by long extension his own. In the present he looked at Hisagi with his still working eyes and listened to Komamaru's drivel about how he accepted that he was angry and blah, blah. He wept not for his impending death but, the fact that his former friends had chosen to side with corruption, forcing him to cross swords with them. He shed his tears for the realization that in all likelihood he wouldn't even get to 'see' his revenge now. Yes battle was to be feared, even when you won you lost and when you lost, you died.

X

Ever since Tosen had left Sajin had wanted so badly to talk to him again, just to ask why. When they finally spoke he saw, no felt the difference between treason and personal betrayal. Treason was a cause for anger but, it didn't _hurt_ the way knowing his friend thought they would cross swords did. The only thing left was to wonder if any of it had been genuine. The worst thing though was not Tosen's betrayal of him but, the knowledge that his friend had betrayed himself, his own principles lying as shattered as their trust. Assuming that they had even been true in the first place. Sometimes you couldn't save your friends, even from themselves. At least he'd been spared having to kill him, some Shinigami weren't even that lucky. Above all you had to be loyal to Seireitei nothing else was acceptable.

Shinji was a patient man. Anyone who'd dealt with Hiyori for centuries had to be. He'd waited a hundred years for his revenge he could wait a few more minutes. Then Aizen had felled the woman and he screamed for Ichigo this COULD NOT wait. Leaving Hacchi to protect her went after Aizen and they bantered but, his vaunted patience had finally given way and he would have blood

Hiyori had been relatively sheltered in twelfth division under the previous captain. There weren't any major threats between her promotion to vice-captain and her exile so the winter war had been her first real battle. Her anger and pride got the best of her and the pain was beyond anything that she'd ever felt. She got a real taste of her own strength, so far below what she had thought it was. As she lay bleeding in Shinji's arms she found that battle wasn't as much fun as she'd always assumed.

X

Kira fought his nerves as he worked under Komamura-taichou's orders to heal Hinamori and the others. He was knew that at any moment the defectors could get free and break through the barrier. There wasn't anything that worrying would do though except slow him down and the captain's calm, determined words helped him focus on his task. Fear sweat slicked his back and his hands shook but, he did what had to be done. The sickening fact was no matter how well you prepared and what you did sometimes it simply came down to luck. Would they get free before he could finish? There was nothing he to do but, work as fast as he could and hope his luck held.

X

Technically this had merely been Yamamoto's back-up plan if the rest of the captains failed, but it made no difference. He had indeed let them create his opening; he had no intention of surviving. He hadn't even thought about it mostly because he didn't want to hesitate but, also because he was a coward. As soitaichou he had to live with a lot of decisions he didn't want to make and this was simply a bridge too far. He didn't _want_ to live with this one. He did wish that Kyoraku had been outside the radius, who would keep his legacy intact? Would anyone be powerful enough to take up the reins? Would they be wise and just? Too late to worry, he'd made his choice.

X

Kira watched Hitsugaya stab Aizen and all he could feel was horror. It could _not_ be this easy and even if it was Aizen had been one of their own. There was simply nothing good about the whole damn mess. Maybe that was Gin talking, for someone always so seemingly happy he'd had a rather grim outlook which had deeply pervaded the third. Tears pricked his eyes. Iba started berating him for moping in the 'playful' —read aggressive—way of the eleventh, utterly pumped by the victory.

"Y-yeah," he replied, forcing a shaky smile. They'd won after all and without losing anyone, that was something right? Then Momo was up, moving toward the battlefield. Kira scared by his friend's atypical behavior joined Iba in trying to figure out what the hell she was doing. Chasing after her they fell to Aizen's blade before they even realized what had happened. Lying on the ground coughing blood, Kira heard Hisugaya-taichou's blood-chilling scream. He looked up with fading vision to see a bleeding Momo skewered on the prodigy's zanpakuto. Tears fell from Kira's eyes as he realized that maybe Gin had been on to something. It was so much easier to just live with despair then to feel hope torn from you like an organ.

X

Toshiro stared at Momo for a crawling moment before he realized what had happened. No, no. Oh god no.

"Shiro…chan…why?" she asked. A scream tore from his throat as he registered his victim as his best friend. His mind went blank as the rage that had flooded him reached its pinnacle. He'd never felt so young, so lost. Even if she lived she'd never forgive him and he could never forgive himself. All of his intentions to be more mature and control his emotions fled as he dove for Aizen. He struck heedless or of whether or not it was the real one this time, not caring that he didn't have a chance or that he'd certainly die for trying. It made no difference, he'd killed Momo. He wanted to die, all he asked was to take Aizen with him. His mind and heart held nothing, but the blazing hatred that Aizen had taunted him for. As he fell to Aizen's sword he realized exactly why the man had taunted him in that manner. Realized _why_ captains were trained to instill their swords only with responsibility. It made no difference, he'd learned the hard way and it was far too late to matter.

Friendly fire was the most dangerous thing in battle. It did as much damage to the aggressor as to the victim. That was the true power of Kyoka Suigetsu

X

Later Ichigo would curse himself for a little bitch, at the time though he was lying in the sand, his trump card gone and his wounded friends relying on him to pull another miracle out of his ass. He wasn't sure he had any left, even knowing that he had to win and would do so or die trying. So perhaps he could be forgiven for allowing relief to color his voice as he greeted Byakuya and Kenpachi, standing in front of him implacable, unbreakable. Once in a while it was nice to not have to be the strong one. To have someone else be show up and pull victory out of thin air, not have to be the sole bulwark between his friends and death.

Kenpachi taunted him and damnit if he didn't have a single comeback. Why was the bastard always saving his life? He was getting so fucking sick of playing the damsel in distress. They even chased him away, clearly not interested in his help. If he was honest in his current state, he wasn't sure Kenpachi wasn't right and it sickened him. The only time he'd seen either of them truly unable to fight had been when he and Kenpachi had fought to a draw and when Byakuya had taken Gin's sword, yet it seemed that he found himself in that position twice a day. Ulquioraa could have easily killed him had he chosen to and Nel had saved him from Nnoitra before Kenpachi had done the same. He was truly sick of it. On second thought between Kenpachi trying to kill him and Byakuya's bitching maybe he'd rather be dead.

He'd been torn between wanting to stay to help the captains and going with Unohana, at least until Byakuya had told him…what was it? 'The Gotei thirteen would never need you', well screw him. The arrogant bastard could go ahead and die for all he cared. Something occurred to him as he ran through the garganta. As far as he'd been able to tell, in Byakuya's mind duty was about doing what one was obligated to do, not necessarily what one wanted to do or even what one felt was the _right_ thing to do. He didn't technically agree but, wondered if it wasn't correct, wondered if maybe the captain had been intentionally being an ass to make it easier for him to make the _right_ choice. Manipulative motherfucker.

X

Sadness and guilt filled Byakuya with their familiar ache as he encouraged the ryoka boy to return to his duty. It was the right thing to do and they both knew it but, it was never pleasant to send someone on a suicide mission. He wondered if the boy knew, assumed that he did. It wasn't like the boy had options, Aizen would just kill him and his precious friends later anyway.

He had to admit if only to himself that Mayuri was fun to play with, the man if you could call him that was so paranoid that all you had to do was act vaguely suspicious and he'd panic. His defensiveness however showed that Byakuya was right. The mad scientist had placed a bit of hope on the ryoka, like the rest of them he needed to believe they weren't in a futile fight. It was good to know and hey who knew maybe their little pawn would survive. There would be hell to pay if he ever found out but, that was a concern for another time. For the moment he'd taken Mayuri down a peg, there was a mission to accomplish and life was good. They'd have to return the Living World and face what they'd done soon enough. He wondered if Rukia would be able to forgive him for that one, knew the answer and quickly focused back on the battle at hand.

X

Yeah he was still the master of deception and trickery, Uruhara thought playfully as he touched Aizen on the back. Okay so he was being petty and having way too much given how high the stakes were but, whatever it was who he was. He cast the ever rising bakudo combo at his opponent. As it reached its crescendo he had to admit: it was gratifying to see fear in the eyes of the man who mutilated his friends. However well it had turned out he had mourned, wept for those that he couldn't save. Their banishment had been undeserved. Aizen would pay for the tears Uruhara had shed and that was damn satisfying. As much fun as defeating someone in combat was, it had always been more enjoyable in his eyes to outsmart his opponent. The rage he saw when Aizen realized he'd done just that was sweet indeed. The trick of it though was to never assume you had indeed won. It just left you open to the same tactic.

He watched worried as Yoruichi pounded on the madman. All the anger that she kept hidden, at having to leave her beloved home and what had happened to their comrades. Anger at being forced to abandon her people, clan, even that devoted if volatile little subordinate. He saw her distraction as she lost herself in the violence and thrill of long awaited retribution.

X

Ichigo shuddered as he watched. Uruhara was one of the few people that he felt he could rely on. However underhanded he'd been, he was always in control and always knew what he was doing. His worst feature was also his greatest and he was one of the few steady presences in Ichigo's new life. Watching his every trick brushed carelessly away shook Ichigo's confidence to the core. It was like watching a cliff you were clinging to slowly crumble under your hands, and damn it was a hell of a drop.

What was really worrying was that under the transparent banter he could tell they were scared. If he could tell then Aizen surely knew and with that he could see the enemy's victory.

X

Gin was concerned, he hadn't realized that Aizen'd absorbed the hogyoku and he wasn't sure—disgusting as it was—that he could finish his objective alone. He needed the boy to participate; unfortunately said boy was clearly exhausted, broken. He'd resigned himself to the futility of the fight and far from taunting him back into fighting fitness Gin was going to accidently kill him first. That wouldn't do at all. Luckily when Aizen did show up he wasn't in a killing mood. Hopefully he hadn't misjudged the boy. Hopefully everything would go according to plan or they were all gonna be screwed.

X

For the first time he had failed. Gin was right, in his heart of hearts Ichigo didn't believe he could defeat Aizen and he had absolutely no idea what to do. Tears filled his eyes. His father berated him as though there were something they could do. He hung his head to hide the tears and tried to convince his father of how ungodly powerful Aizen was. Then his father asked him something: 'What will you do' and he understood. There was nothing they could do but, fight. If they lost, they lost but, doing nothing wasn't an option because at worst the results would be the same. He followed his father into the senkaimon.

X

At first Isshin had been enraged by what Aizen had said. To suggest that his son desired victory and power over an end to the fighting was unthinkable. He was offended by the mere suggestion and yet…While he knew with the faith of a parent that his boy would make the right choice if offered was it really a stretch to imagine that his instinct ran towards doing whatever it took to protect his people? That the thought of despair, praying for an end to the madness wouldn't enter the headstrong boy's mind. Now that he thought about it he'd never been prouder.

Ichigo could sense Aizen's reiatsu meaning that he was close in power. That tiny glimmer of hope cut through his resignation as he tried to berate his boy into rejoining the fight. His own feelings of futility falling away as his son opened the senkaimon. Truly he had raised him well, Ichigo refused to back down, took his licks and gave back twice as good as he got. Yes all of the years of ambushes and perhaps less than excellent parenting had done its job. Ichigo had learned the lesson well. He was even willing to sacrifice that power for the greater good. He was totally taking credit when Ichigo kicked Aizen's ass. Maybe that admittedly incompetent parenting had actually been exactly what was needed. He was going to tell himself that.


	7. Regrets (Ura,ichi)

A/N: I own nothing. X-mas gift for Lull. Don't be misled by the opening it is indeed Ori!bash. Unexpressed Ura/Ichi, Onesided Ori/Ichi.

* * *

Tears ran down Orihime's face as she watched the funeral. She'd lost Ichigo before they were even really together. Technically she hadn't asked him out...but surely he had felt the same, saving her all the time, looking out for her and it wasn't like she was useless..she'd healed him lots of times. It sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

 _Yeah, healed him after he rescued you,_ a vicious part of her mind hissed.

 _He tried to rescue everybody, it wasn't just me,_ she thought back. He'd almost died trying to save rukia, and protecting everyone from the arrancar and time after time she healed him just for him to be broken again. A sob tore her chest and she looked around at the thinning crowd looking for him...the bastard that had kept sending him out until he finally didn't come back. Her brave honorable Ichigo killed by that sneaky little...toad.

She scrubbed at her eyes trying for some semblance of composure and stalked over to the blond man who'd finally shown himself to approach the coffin. She felt he face heat with a rage she'd never known before. How dare he show his face, let alone _look_ at her Ichigo. How dare he insinuate himself among her Ichigo's actual friends and admirers, like he cared? Like he'd ever treated her Ichigo as anything other than a weapon? Like he hadn't...

"How dare y-you c-come here like you c-care. People d-don't mourn tools. Y-ou k-k-killed him, t-took him away f-from the pp-ppeople...We care about him and you killed him!" she dissolved into tears collapsing against him.

x

Uruhara held the girl as she snuffled. He'd been stunned when she flounced over and started yelling, but every word had struck home. She was right, he _had_ killed Ichigo, they'd both known it was a near suicide mission before he'd gone. Of course he'd still gone, his courage was one of the many things Uruhara admired about him. He remembered bitterly, when he'd opened his mouth to remind Ichigo why the mission was so vital.

" _Save the manipulation, I'm going," Ichigo had said._

" _Am I so predictable?" he had replied, not missing a beat._

 _He knew he deserved it, knew that Ichigo would never truly be able to trust him, much less reciprocate his feelings, not_ _as long as he was in the position of knowledge broker and cattle prod. He was also fully aware that the situation wouldn't change any time soon, that if it ever did, someone as honest and guileless as Ichigo would still hate him. Hell, he'd hated himself in that moment._

" _It needs to be done. And yes you are," Ichigo had replied with a smirk and left._

He'd been an idiot, thought the boy's bravado and will and his own luck would see them through. It had so many times before...and then it hadn't. That was the last time he seen Ichigo alive. He'd been trying not to think about their final exchange, trying to remember the good times.

He'd never told Ichigo how he felt, he knew the response would be 'fuck you' and in the 'go away sense'. As it should be, he hadn't exactly earned the man's favor. Ichigo'd said more than once that he was treated worse than a whore: they both got fucked repeatedly, by people they didn't like but whores got paid. Uruhara could never quite tell if he'd meant the powers-that-be in Seireitei, Uruhara himself or if he saw no distinction. He'd been too much of a coward to try figuring it out.

"Y-you don't even t-try to deny it," Orihime said pulling back enough to speak but remaining in his embrace

He shrugged around her, "I sent him on the mission. It c-could be argued that I did. No point in denying it," he said forcing his voice into its normal carefree cadence.

"You disgust me!" she snarled pulling away and scrubbing her eyes. He let his hat shield the tears welling in his own. I disgust _me._

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry you lost him," he said genuinely.

"LOST?! You make him sound like a stuffed animal! I d-didn't lose him. You took him from me!" She yelled and the word stabbed into him. He swallowed hard again and turned away, blinking back those damn tears.

"I'm s-sorry I got him killed," he offered.

"Don't walk away from me. You don't get to just walk away, like you did nothing wrong," she grabbed his shoulder. "You're sorry? Like you're sorry you broke a toy? I loved him!" Uruhara closed his eyes, _good god, please stop_. A tear got free.

"I know," he swallowed, "He cared about you too." Her hand was still tugging, trying to force him to face her, then it was gone.

"So did he," Tessei's voice growled, responding to Orihime's statement. Uruhara silently thanked his old friend for the excellent timing.

"No! he didn't care about Ich-Ic..him at all h-he k-killed him," Orihime wailed. Two more tears slipped from his eyes, tracking twin accusing trails down his face and he took a shallow breath.

"You're grief-stricken," Tessai said calmly and Uruhara could feel their reiatsu moving away. Tessai was likely carrying her.

"P-put me down!" yep.

"You are also being a bitch," under other circumstances he would have laughed, he'd never heard Tessai use language like that before. He tried to get some air into his lungs instead and his breath hitched painfully. "Let him mourn in peace."

"He doesn't deserve to," Orihime said bitterly. _No I don't._ Uruhara thought dragging in a harsh gasp. He forced himself to move, slipping around the corner of a nearby building for a little privacy.

Maybe the tremor in his voice had been more obvious than he thought, or maybe Tessai just knew him that well, either way he was grateful. He exhaled, shaky and hitching despite his best efforts as the tears he'd been holding at bay ran from closed eyes. He didn't know how long he stayed there, eventually he must have sat down because he was leaning back against the building, sniffling when he felt Tessai approach.

"Sneaker," Tessai's voice was quiet and pained. Uruhara looked up at the old nickname, Tessai had used it before the concept of sneakers as shoes had gotten around Seireitei. He'd meant it as 'one-who-sneaks'. The older man rarely used it anymore but when he did, it reminded Uruhara of younger days. He laid a comforting hand on Uruhara's should and held out a slip of paper.

"There was a collection of letters among the boy's effects," he explained. Uruhara stared at it in his shaking hand and made a half-hearted attempt to dry his face. On the outside of the folded paper was his own name. He hesitantly unfolded it, dreading the contents and read the short message as his vision blurred again.

 _I get tired of rewriting these so just assume that they stand. I'll rewrite them if I have anything new to say._

 _Thanks for the training man. I couldn't have protected everyone without it. I kinda wish I'd known you better but I guess you wouldn't be you without the mystery._

 _I kinda lied by the way: The only thing predictable about you was that there was always_ some _game. I didn't figure you needed anyone feeding your ego though. Anyway thanks again-Ichigo._


	8. Wizard (Rukia,Senbonzakura)

A/n an extension of ZR for Sal. First part is taken from CH.5 so you don't have to re-read it. I own nothing

* * *

As they watched the party for the arrival of sword fiends, Rukia observed Hyorinmaru as he moved through the crowd to speak to a tenth squad member.

"You find that zanpakuto interesting?" Senbonzakura asked at her shoulder.

"He's sort of like Niisama but…you know warm," she said awkwardly, remembering a bit too late who, what she was talking to. "I mean… lots of the younger Shinigami have zanpakuto that represent what they aspire to. Ikkaku's clearly resembles Zaraki and…Sode no Shirayuki…" she let the sentence finish itself, nodding to the zanpakuto at her other shoulder.

"You think my master cold?" he asked. Rukia started getting nervous but, before she could backtrack the zanpakuto continued, "He'd probably take that as a compliment," some mixture of amusement and sadness colored his tone.

"You'd disagree?" she asked. Senbonzakura slung an arm over her shoulders.

"I'm a part of him am I not?" he asked before quickly removing his arm. Rukia disappointed at the revocation of this rare contact but intrigued at the opportunity smiled. "He says I talk too much," he added suddenly seeming awkward. Her smile widened. _Here's hoping,_ she thought as they settled down with food and drinks, in Senbonzakura's case sake, to talk.

x

Senbonsakura sighed as he looked at his master's sister. God she looked so much like her sister, but fiery, determined more like Master. He knew pain whenever he looked at her, the past slamming home, pride and concern as well and so his Master cut himself off, did what he could to protect her from a distance. He remained aloof doing what he saw as his duty, conducting clan affairs with bearing and comportment as well as he was capable. He had deep seated self-doubt, Sen could advise based on things he knew or remembered but it didn't help when the standard was impossible to live up to even for Ginrei.

"He wants people to dislike him?" Rukia replied confused, as they sat down with refreshments

"Not exactly," Senbonzakura began, his Master's need to explain himself outweighing his own reticence. "He wants to be seen as in control, unaffected. Everything he's been taught as a clan leader, as a captain and as a nobleman requires this. He wishes to honor Ginrei's legacy."

"He cares about him?" she asked surprised.

"Cares? He considers him his father, wants desperately to make him proud, is terrified of disgracing him," he explained.

"Niisama?" Rukia asked shakily, utterly unable to reconcile this information straight from the Zanpakuto with the implacable captain and stoic brother she knew and admired. "That doesn't sound like him," she stated still too young to understand the true nature of zanpakuto.

"I'm telling the truth, and all I'm asking is, show a little appreciation once in a while. Earned of course,"

"He doesn't care about ego he does his duty, he's the one who taught me that." Rukia said defending his motives against what must have appeared to be blatant denigration. She really didn't understand.

"Of course. However he does care about your, Ginrei's and to an extent Renji and Ichigo's opinion." Senbonzakura explained.

x

"He wants reassurance?" Rukia cried shrilly. His zanpakuto was asking for acceptance and praise he'd denied her for years? Pride welled in her and she flatly refused to grant him the reprieve she'd never had. Maybe that was petty, she didn't care.

"He tried to kill me. He let Aizen take the hogyoku," she said incredulous. "He tried to kill me!" she repeated and to her shock the zanpakuto's eyes filled with tears. She'd never seen her brother so much as choke up before. Now Senbonzakura was openly fighting tears and Rukia was torn between feeling awkward and disgusted. "Sen? Your master wouldn't approve of this," She warned him.

"Of what? My emotion? My weakness? You are right," Senbonzakura replied bitterly, with a wet sniff. "You forget these emotions are his, simply unexpressed."

"You mean unacknowledged?"

"No. He's fully aware," Senbonzakura replied, pain etched in his voice. It seemed strange to Rukia that he appeared as upset over her reaction as over the execution or hell even the rebellion. She hardly expected the ruse to affect him or even battle but it made more sense than this.

"Wow you really don't get it do you?" the samurai spirit asked, seeing her confusion.

"Get what?" Rukia asked angry and at a loss.

"Exactly how much he wants to protect you and live up to expectations? Exactly the kind of pressure he's under?"

Rukia's eyes widened. "It's okay. He doesn't really want you to know," the spirit explained resigned as well as bitter now. "Just once in a while the solitude..." Senbonzakura's voice cracked.

Rukia was dumbfounded, "You're saying..."

"I'm not saying he's weak by any means," The zanpakuto said quickly "Merely that he's human and too many people forget too often."

"Like me?"

"Like the clan, the squad, he takes it all as a compliment, but it will break him eventually.

Rukia shook her head at the revelation her estimation of her brother going down. It was one thing for someone who was genuinely that cold to expect such behavior from others. How though, could he treat her that way when he himself was no different?


	9. Unspoken (Renji,Rukia,Byakuya)

**A/n I own nothing. I will give reciprocal reviews. This one takes place after Renji leaves the hospital to look for Rukia at the end of soul society.**

* * *

Damn Ichigo and his damn lack of decorum. Not that Renji was one to talk about decorum but, seriously what the hell. He had been surprised by the question to begin with or he would have answered quicker. It seemed a ridiculously self-absorbed thing to say, even for a noble. Then he'd realized that it was permission to speak freely, things he wouldn't otherwise say to someone who outranked him. A chance to be honest and of course Ichigo had to ruin it. He didn't know if it was his imagination or not but, he would have sworn the captain had wanted to say 'is what I'm thinking,' and changed it mid-stream. Normally he would consider that absurd but, lying there, looking like a cat plucked from the river he'd seemed… exposed. There had been edge of something to the tone, almost pleading.

 _Captain…I don't hold it against you. I understand, hell most nobles just do whatever the hell they want. It would have been helpful but, I wouldn't want to serve under someone like that._ _At the end of the day all our sweat and blood and tears would have been wasted had you not taken the sword for her. I'm just grateful to have Rukia back and I've known her longer than you, trust me she'll let it go too._

On second thought he was really fucking glad Ichigo showed up when he did. He turned down another street, calling Rukia's name.

* * *

Rukia had entered Niisama's room at lunch time carrying two trays of food. As usual he didn't look at her, unusually he spoke first.

"You don't have to be here," he said. She felt like she _had_ been stabbed by captain Gin's sword, even for her Niisama, it was a cold dismissal.

"Yes Niisama," she said, leaving the tray and walking back out. She wandered aimlessly until she decided to go to the Shiba's.

That night she was eating dinner with the Shibas and her friends, when Renji looked at her.

"So you're pretty angry at him?" he asked, with an odd expression.

"Of course not," she said. Ichigo and Orihime just looked confused.

"Oh. I just thought that you'd be at the hospital otherwise," he said, his face relaxing a bit.

"I tried. He said I 'didn't need to be there'," she said bitterly. Renji was silent appearing deep in thought.

"Did he say it like 'you don't need to be here so go away' or like 'You're not obligated to be here'?" Renji asked. Ichigo did a double take.

"Strange I thought there were two guys here," he said. Renji called him a vulgar name and they started arguing. Rukia thought back over the conversation she'd had earlier.

"Oh," she said and left.

When she walked into Niisama's room this time he did look up, likely because of the odd hour. She sat down in the chair. He said nothing though he seemed vaguely curious. There was so much that she wanted to say.

"Arigato," she said instead. His eyes widened in surprise for half a heartbeat.

"Arigato," he replied, almost inaudibly quiet. On an impulse, she took his hand, as she had on the battlefield. He looked away but, to her shock let her continue with her sisterly gesture.


	10. Emulate (Byakuya, Rukia, Tosh)

**A/n I own nothing. I will give reciprocal reviews. The first two parts take place after Kaien's death and tie into 'reaction'. The last part was born of me watching Toshiro in early arrancar and I kept thinking is this a captain or a kid doing a bad Byakuya impression.**

* * *

Byakuya found her watching the sunset from a clearing in western Seireitei. He approached silently and waited at her shoulder until she spoke. She didn't. It surprised him to an extent; he knew Kaien's death was eating her up. The sun had set by now and he decided that, in keeping with his obligation to Hisana he had to try to talk to her. He wasn't worried per se, these situations were an unfortunate part of a shinigami's life. It was however his duty.

"You are concerned about your decision?" he asked.

"Go _away,"_ she snapped. His eyes widened in shock, it was the first time she'd ever spoken to him with disrespect. As the head of the clan he should have corrected her however she was a solider now. The courtesy of grieving as one chose must be extended. Rank was not a suitable reason to gratuitously step on another's pride. He walked away allowing himself a glance backwards, he saw her shoulders shaking with sobs. He walked on, it was her choice.

* * *

Ukitake sat at his desk, filing paperwork to distract himself. Trying not to think about Kaien and the fact that he'd cleaned out the boy's quarters that morning. He'd composed himself but, it still seemed like every other thing reminded him of his late comrade. The boy'd been like a son to him. A knock sounded.

"Enter," he said, blinking back tears. At his permission captain Kuchiki entered.

"Captain Ukitake…are you alright?" he asked, obviously changing statements mid-stream.

"I lost an assistant. Some of us grieve and move on," he said. It had a bit too much bite but, after Captain Zaraki, he was the last person Ukitake wanted to see right then.

"My apology for interrupting but, that is what I wished to speak with you about," he said.

"And that would be?" Ukitake asked.

"I believe that your company member Kuchiki may be having difficulties with the situation. I thought you should be alerted," he explained. Ukitake sighed. Why are you always so damn formal?

"You're worried about her?" he asked. The other captain said nothing. "I tried to talk to her already. She asked me if she had done her duty and when I told her that she had, she wouldn't speak about it anymore. I take it that she won't talk to you either?" he finished rhetorically. The other captain remained silent. _Wonder where she got that habit._ "I'll keep an eye on her," he said.

"Thank you for your time," captain Kuchiki said walking out. Ukitake wondered if the other captain realized how much genuine gratitude colored his voice.

* * *

Toshiro Hitsuyaga couldn't stand sixth squad's captain, the arrogant noble who'd been handed everything because of his name. He was just a bastard with the gall to look down on people, who'd actually worked to get where they were. Since becoming captain he'd been bent on proving that a kid from Rukongai could be a far better captain than he. The problem was, he was currently watching an unconscious Momo lying in her hospital bed, silent tears running down his face. Swiping at them angrily, he admonished himself to grow up and focus on what needed to be done. He tried so hard to act like a captain but, half the squad thought he was little better than a puppy. He'd always assured himself that it was just prejudice and jealousy that he was so young. If he'd been a noble he would have gotten the respect he craved. Yet here he was, crying over a friend like the kid he was rather than doing something about it. Useless sentiment. "I'll avenge you, Momo," he whispered. At least he could conduct himself properly in that regard.


	11. New Year's (Renji,Byakuya, Rukia)

**A/n I own nothing**. **This one is for SesshomaruFreak and takes place after the ep 303 new year's special.  
**

* * *

Rukia caught Renji's sad gaze while they stood with Orihime, as she prayed for her brother. When they went their separate ways she caught him by the shoulder.

"What's bothering you?" she asked concerned. Whatever airs he put on, he'd always felt deeply and if something was wrong she'd want to help.

"It's just all that talk 'bout family got me thinkin'," he said awkwardly.

"Bout the Rukongai?" she asked falling into her old dialect. She'd been thinking the same.

"Nah this was fine," he said smiling. The unspoken sentiment that they were his family touched her; it was nice to know she wasn't the only one who felt that way. "Look don't take this the wrong way, ain't my place but, don'tcha you know _have_ family?" he finished.

"Clan function I mostly came here to get out of it,"

"Ah, that's gotta suck,"

"Tell me about it,"

"You're not gonna get in trouble for skipping out,"

"No it's better all-around if I avoid them, anyway I get tired of hearing snide remarks about my adoption," she said sadly then smiled. "I attacked one of them once decades ago because he said Nii-san 'sullied the clan name by accepting Rukongai scum'. After that I stopped going."

"I bet, I'm surprised they didn't get slice n' diced," Renji said with a laugh.

"Oh you know the line, nobles are supposed to be above reacting to such things," she said mockingly.

"Ya know it's weird, I would have thought that clan functions would be some sorta kowtow fest," Renji mused.

"Sometimes it is. That's almost more sickening,"

"Suppose it's a powertrip if you're the one being prostrated too though," he said.

"Maybe for some people," she shrugged. "They all just want favors it's not real respect. Sometimes I don't even think Nii-san likes it but, you know it's kinda hard to tell."

"Maybe ya should head back to the manor," Renji said gently.

Rukia frowned "It's not like he gets lonely or anything," she said uncertainly, "But, maybe you're right."

She took in Renji's disappointed look, "Wanna come with? I could use a buffer," she offered.

"If you don't think that it will be a problem," Renji said hopefully.

"None at all," she replied, hoping she was right.

X

Within the hour they were entering the manor. Renji had never actually been in Rukia's house and was a little floored by the grandeur.

"Damn this is nice,"

"Tell me about it," Rukia said smiling. "Nii-san doesn't seem to be here," she said.

At that moment they turned as one, as he felt his captain's reiatsu. A minute later the elder Kuchiki strode in even Renji, who wouldn't pretend to be a confidant thought he looked exhausted. He took in the mud on his hakama, realizing that he'd probably been at a temple now that the crowds had cleared out. He almost laughed at the thought that someone dead or not could make the noble kneel in the dirt. Must be a special motherfucker.

"You are back early," The noble said quietly. Why did it feel like they'd done something wrong?

Rukia must have felt the same cause she sounded damn nervous when she spoke, "It's custom in the Living World to s-spend New Year's with family, since I'm the only family Renji has I thought he could have dinner here." His captain simply nodded walking away. He followed Rukia into a dining room where there was a decent spread laid out for them. They dove in hungrily though Rukia was clearly making an attempt to be dignified about it, which was funny as hell. He laughed; she threw a rice cake at him, then winced.

"Reminds me of that night at Uruhara's," he laughed retrieving the rice cake.

"The one where you broke Yumi's nose with the plate," Rukia snorted.

"Hey ain't like I meant to…I was aiming for Ikkaku," he said and they both started cackling. Rukia froze her head whipping around to the dining room's second entrance. Renji slowly turned to follow her gaze and saw his captain watching from the hall his reiatsu suppressed. He would have sworn the older man tensed a bit before moving to the head of the table. He was wearing a clean uniform and Renji shook his head, seriously did the man ever dress casual. Silence reigned for a while and it was hard to tell but, he thought Byakuya was as uneasy as they were. He thought for a moment that it was his own presence and almost stood to make his excuses. Then he realized that the captain had seemed relaxed when he'd been watching them, had only tensed when he joined. He thought about what Rukia had said before and decided to test a theory.

"Hey Rukia you remember that time when Uryuu thought Ichigo stole his cape?"

"I do," Rukia said formally, lips twitching.

"He chased Ichigo around, threatening to sprenger him?" he pressed and Rukia chuckled.

"And Tessai grabbed Ichigo and threw him in the training room," she said laughing. They soon fell back into reminiscing and banter as they ate, forgetting the captain was even there. He glanced up half an hour later startled by the clink of a plate and saw the elder Kuchiki setting his dish aside. The stiffness was gone and he was watching Rukia with unguarded affection. Then he caught Renji looking and like a door being shut the moment passed. Renji went back to his conversation with Rukia pleased that he'd been right.


	12. Solid (Renji, Uryuu)

**A/n I own nothing. I will give reciprocal reviews. Context piece based on Chapter 274 and the corresponding anime episode 163. All dialogue is taken from that. Please check out my pack.**

* * *

There were a few debts that Renji had, which he had no way to ever repay except with fealty. Rukia for starters, had given him something to hold onto in the Rukongai, not to mention a way out of that hell hole. Kira and to a lesser extent Momo had given him companionship in the academy, after Byakuya had taken Rukia from him. Ikkaku had trained him and Ichigo the most important of all, had saved Rukia. Hell he even owed Byakuya—self-important bastard —for throwing him that damn scarf. A mark of respect when he'd felt lower than the lowest dog, which was why it hadn't been sold yet. Despite the fact that, even accounting for the bloodstains, he could have lived comfortably for three lifetimes on the profit.

"Abarai…!" Renji heard Uryuu say, as he blocked the fraccion's fist. It cut through his terror. Yeah, he was thoroughly ashamed of it, but in that moment he was utterly terrified. Not of combat, not of death but of the fact that he had _no_ idea what to do. He felt utterly helpless. It was one thing to be uncertain that you could win. It was an entirely different thing to have no effective form of attack, being able to do literally _nothing_ to save yourself… or your friend. Zaraki-taichou would have killed him in disgust if he was there. No matter how hard he tried to push it aside he felt panic rising, his sword slipping in his shaking, sweat-slicked grip. His breathing was growing more ragged, almost hyperventilating and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about that either. _Focus on what you're protecting,_ the thought from his academy days bit through the panicked haze.

"Don't just stand there! You're not beaten yet, are you?" he yelled. He tried for bravado and was disgusted to hear, the obvious edge of panic. "Thinking your way out of tough situations is your specialty isn't it?" he said, intending to give Uryuu confidence. Unfortunately his mouth kept talking. "Can't you come up with something…that we can use to beat this guy?" he said, despite himself. He knew he was begging, _please, anything, I've got nothing._ He hated it.

"Don't be ridiculous. I already have," Uryuu said. It was a statement of fact, calm and so supremely confident he could have given Byakuya lessons in arrogance. As simple as that, Renji had something to put his back up against. He cast a look at Uryuu that he hoped didn't look as pathetic as he felt and barked a laugh. His trembling steadied, his breathing slowed. With a surge of newfound strength he threw the fraccion back.

"I'm counting on you, man! Don't screw this up alright?" he said, trying to get his equilibrium back.

"No need to worry. Just as long as you don't screw me up that is!" Uryuu replied and Renji was back in his element, they _had_ this. With any luck this was one debt he could repay in kind.


	13. Reluctant (Ken, Yachiru, Maki)

**A/n I own nothing. I will give reciprocal reviews. Again I know bount isn't canon but the Maki-chan storyline was excellent. This is Yachiru's POV about it using the scenes of the anime episodes: 74/5, 94, 97/8. Please check out my pack.**

* * *

Yachiru was downright ecstatic when she found out Maki-chan was alive, having genuinely expected to never see him alive again. She knew that despite his claims to the contrary—He'd let the kid make his own choice—Zaraki felt like he'd hurt Maki-chan. Regardless of what people might say he took no pleasure in harming people he wasn't actually fighting with. Indeed he seemed to find it quite distasteful as far as she could tell.

She remembered when Maki-chan left. Ken-chan had told Maki-chan to do as he liked, exasperated. He wouldn't use his authority to force someone who was unwilling to follow him, he'd told Yachiru that, said it was dangerous. Only Yachiru had seen the disappointment in his eyes as he watched Maki-chan walk out, the kid having long since made his decision.

Now the knowledge that he'd probably killed Maki-chan without any reason and without the actual test of combat obviously weighed on him, even if he never told her as much. His regret for the whole situation was etched in his frown. 'I don't know,' he'd said. _Sure you don't,_ would have been her reply,had they not been in front of subordinates.

x

When they'd spoke alone after Mayuri had announced the break-in of his databanks, she'd been utterly thrown by Ken-chan's unease. While he might not have been the soulless demon that people made him out to be, he also _never_ got nervous. What was there to make someone, who feared neither pain, death nor the loss of loved ones, nervous? She tried to brush it off as worry for Maki-chan but he denied that and this time the denial seemed sincere. It sent a shiver down her spine as she wracked her brain for what he might have sensed that was so off.

Ken-chan seemed to have no interest in the bounts and sat at his desk, apparently bored, while she watched the search through the window. He claimed it was because they were too weak and maybe that was true, though by all accounts they were the strongest enemies Seireitei had seen since the ryoka. She explained her relief that there was still a chance for Ken-chan to get his one-on-one fight with Maki-chan. He said he didn't care which struck her as strange, having a fun fight was the _only_ thing he cared about. There was a softness in his expression that quietly echoed her own relief. She nuzzled his shoulder when she understood why.

"Then it doesn't matter either way," she said. That was as close as he'd ever get to saying that he was trying to avoid the fight.

x

When the tenth division finally found the intruders, she was genuinely excited for her chance to see Maki-chan. However she put even more exuberance than normal—yes that was possible— into it when she heard the bitterness and resignation dripping from Ken-chan's words.

They found Maki-chan fairing quite well against Ichigo and the others when Ken-chan stepped in to break it up. She was sad to see absolute hatred and shame in Maki-chan's eyes as he strove to keep Ken-chan's sword from him. Then she was distracted by catching up with Jiggles and Ken-chan' bantering with Ichigo.

After they'd caught up with their friends, he offered Maki-chan _the_ choice: if he truly believed in his ideals Ken-chan would stay out of the fight, give him as clean a fight as a one-on-six could be. Hitsuyaga freaked-out, he apparently didn't see the answer clear in Maki-chan's eyes. There was an undercurrent almost pleading in Ken-chan's voice, though it was likely that only she heard. _Make the right choice, don't dishonor yourself, don't make me kill you like a dog._ She realized for the first time exactly how much he didn't want to do this, if he was willing to let the others take the first crack.

Then Maki-chan verbalized his choice and in the space between seconds Ken-chan was himself again, all swagger with a battle-grin that wouldn't have looked forced to anyone but her. She yelped happily but, he snapped at her to stopped distracting him, so she leaped away. She chased the others away because it was obvious Maki-chan would want it that way, even if Ken-chan had privately hoped otherwise.

As she watched the fight she found irony in the fact that Ken-chan was making a point that enjoyment was his reason for fighting, in the one fight he'd had in her memory that was the _least_ about it. Even when Maki-chan became overwhelmed with emotion, swinging wildly Ken-chan made no counterattack, he only listened. At least until he was too fed-up to continue. He applied a sword slash presumably to dissuade Maki-chan from continuing the fight, now that the others were free to complete their mission.

It wasn't uncommon for Ken-chan to lecture and instruct as he fought, in order to get more fight out of an opponent. When he spoke to Maki-chan though, it was different. He wasn't trying to drive him on but, to make him reconsider, to back him down. She'd never heard Ken-chan do that before, didn't even realize that he knew how. She felt profound sadness when she saw what he was doing; it was painfully obvious that Maki-chan no longer knew why he fought. The entire thing was pointless and she felt a measure of Ken-chan's apathy, as she realized that Maki-chan would force it to its inevitable conclusion anyway. She finally understood why Ken-chan had wanted to avoid this fight. She even felt a little bad, —though she'd thought that emotion beyond her—for facilitating it.

It physically hurt her to see the sadness in Ken-chan's eyes, as Maki-chan prepared for his final strike. He had his answer, knew that he'd failed. Then he was grinning, there was no room for thought anymore and nothing to do except what he excelled at. They clashed. He cut Maki-chan down even though she knew, it was about the last thing in Soul Society that he wanted to do.

As always she went to greet him afterwards.

"I went all out," he said, with a small smile. There was no pleasure in his voice or contentment in his eyes like there should have been, only a veneer of victory so thin as to be parodic. She supposed it was for her benefit but, cast her eyes down unable to go along with the charade. She realized, for the first time she could remember that watching Ken-chan fight hadn't made her happy. As she rode away on his shoulder she saw that despite his opponent's power, Ken-chan hadn't enjoyed himself at all.


	14. Twelfth Division Files (Mayuri)

**A/n: I own nothing. Please r &r Sesshomarufreaks' fics if you like yaoi. Setting: post arrancar. Dedicated in remembrance of those tortured in medical experiments by Mengele, unit 731, the Tuskegee experiment and similar.**

* * *

Mayuri picked up the thick folder and perused its contents.

 **Case study 44-646*20-1:**

 **Subject:** Ichigo Kurosaki

 **Study:** Potential study

 **Specifics:** To study, understand and test the upper limits of a mixed-breed soul.

 **Method:** Slowly increase the stimuli to push the boundaries of the subject's power and force it to access different, otherwise dormant aspects of its potential.

 **Purpose:** To find an alternative way to break blocks on Shinigami potential.

 **Result:** Subject survived but, provides little practical use. Perhaps a breeding program for mixed-breed Shinigami should be initiated.

Perhaps it hadn't been useful but, it'd still provided him with ample material to study and base new experiments on. All it had cost him was turning a blind eye when Aizen had wanted to use the surveillance equipment. Perhaps he should have questioned that a bit more but, Aizen was in custody now so no harm no foul. He settled into favorite armchair to read smiling, everything always worked out in the end when you held all the cards.

An alarm went off and Mayuri rose grumbling. He approached a containment tank with the blinking red light. It was actually two tanks with a slit in the partition. A Shinigami volunteer—he would have been executed for fragging if Mayuri hadn't benevolently interceded—had his zanpakuto slid through the partition into the corpse of another volunteer. He looked at the tag on the tank.

 **Containment tank:** 22*3-4

 **Subject(s):** Kiko Ishii and Shiro Ryu

 **Study:** Poison zanpakuto

 **Specifics:** To develop a poison that could be used on zanpakutos that lack a natural poison capability, without harming the wielder.

 **Method:** Apply test poison (arsenic) to zanpakuto and kill with it while wielder is holding the hilt.

 **Purpose:** The development of poison tipped weapons, I thought that would be self-evident.

 **Result:**

He looked at the Shinigami handcuffed to the sword. It was stained green and corroded both of which extended into the bleeding, pitted skin and greenish veins of the Shinigami. Said subject thrashed in pain, screaming unintelligibly. Mayuri sighed as he filled in the blank.

 **Result:** Failure. Again the zanpakuto seems to have been corrupted by the poison. It is unclear if the Shinigami is actually insane or merely delirious with pain. I will continue tests with the subject to determine which.


	15. Noodle Incident (Kyo, Uki)

**A/n I own nothing**. **This one is for Teddy Bear Moony.  
**

* * *

"Remind me again why I got dragged into this?" Ukitake asked.

"Because you're a great friend and I'm buying you a year's supply of tea," Kyoraku said slinging an arm around his shoulders. Ukitake shook him off.

"How hard is it not to date subordinates?"

"I wasn't dating her it, isn't my fault that she couldn't resist my charms,"

"You didn't have to take her to dinner," Ukitake said.

"Well I couldn't just crush her hopes and dreams," Kyoraku replied with mock horror. Ukitake shook his head as they entered the fourth division barracks. They entered the captain's office and Unohana looked up.

"Ah so it says that you are here for a sexual harassment class because you…oh ugh really?" she asked looking disgusted.

"I swear I didn't know, " Kyoraku replied looking disturbed.

"He really didn't," Ukitake added honestly.

"Even for you Shunsui this is beyond the pale, and Juushiro you of all people," she continued.

"Hey all I did was stop it without anyone getting hurt," he defended himself.

"Well obviously someone got hurt. You toyed with her feelings," she admonished. He felt a blush rising in his cheeks and ducked his head.

Unohana sighed and looked down at a paper on her desk, "You are aware that there are rules against dating your subordinates particularly one who's…"

"Yes of course taichou," they replied together.

"Okay you know the drill, read these pamphlets and we'll get started," she said fixing Kyoraku with a steely gaze. He looked at the booklet and grimaced glancing over at Kyoraku.

They passed fifteen minutes glancing over the booklets, he was pretty sure Kyoraku had seen it a hundred times. Unohana pulled out some colorful little things that looked _very_ vaguely like cloth people.

"These are sensitivity puppets," she said looking dangerous. Kyoraku looked horrified and he felt the same, unsure whether an annoyed Unohana or the puppets were scarier. He would have happily died for Kyoraku but, one had to draw the line somewhere. He forced himself to start coughing, hardly difficult and leaned over the desk playing it up. He looked up trying to appear as forlorn as possible ostentatiously wiping the blood from his mouth.

"I'm…taichou…I don't think I can..." he began.

Unohana shook her head smirking slightly, "go." He stood and walked slowly from the room.

"I thought you were my friend," Kyoraku groused.

"There are limits," he whispered.

"Bastard," Kyoraku snapped. He winked as he left, Unohana holding a hand in front of her mouth as she tried not to laugh.

"You know someone should," he heard Kyoraku saying through the door.

"No!" Unohana barked. He picked up the pace a little; sometimes you had to save yourself.


	16. Necessity (Uki, Kyo)

**A/n: I own nothing. Please R &R SesshomaruFreak and Dreadful Virtue. Up to Ch.172**

* * *

Ukitake's righteous anger faded slowly following his confrontation with young Byakuya. As good as attacking him would have felt Kaien's voice in his head was right, it wouldn't have accomplished anything and violence without purpose was simply barbarism. He recovered himself, planning furiously.

x

That night he went to meet Kyoraku to discudss the situation dinner.

"Relax the Kuchiki kid will get cold feet. You know he has the pull to at least slow it down. We'll have more time," Kyoraku said as he ate some sushi. Ukitake grimaced.

"Forgive me if I don't want to bet Rukia's life on him relenting," Ukitake replied.

"He's a stubborn one for sure but, certainly when he sees that it isn't going to resolve itself he'll do the right thing," Kyoraku said but, Ukitake could see the worry and doubt creep into his features.

"Well that depends on how one defines 'right'. You didn't see him when I said the date had been moved again. Not a flinc, he was completely resigned to it," he said bitterly.

Kyoraku shook his head, "You're going to do something honorable and monumentally stupid now aren't you?"

Ukitake grimaced "Me? Never. You remember that shield that Youruichi left behind?"

"Oh yeah," he replied with a dreamy smile. She had somehow managed to sneak it into Ukitake's captain's office and left it with a note that said 'Keep it safe' and a stark naked photo of herself, presumably as proof that it was indeed her asking or ordering as it were.

"I'm thinking I'll take it, destroy Sokyoku and have a nice conversation with Yama-jii, it's what Kaien would do" Ukitake.

"First why do you always say 'I' when you mean 'we' and second he got himself killed because he didn't listen to you," Kyoraku groused but, he was smiling.

Ukitake shrugged, "Do you have a better idea?"

"What do you need?"

"Just meet me at the execution," he replied. There was no point in telling him that he didn't have to join Kyoraku would be there and he'd be offended by any serious suggestion to the contrary.

X

The next morning he called his third seats into his office.

"I need a favor. This is not an order,

"Yes taichou!"

"We'll do it taichou!"

Ukitake sighed, "May I tell you what it is?"

"Sorry taichou!" they barked, looking properly ashamed.

"All I need is for you to watch the hall by my quarters and announce if anyone is coming and also when the execution starts."

"Yes taichou!"

He continued as though he hadn't been interrupted "This is illegal. Though I will do my best to make sure you are not implicated, you should know the risks," Their eyes widened.

"Y-yes taichou!" Sentaro said

"We'll do it!" Kiyone said fiercely.

"Arigato, now go," he replied. _How had things come to this_?

X

He walked back into the hall exhausted and told them that they were going to destroy Sokyoku. His heart swelled at their perhaps misguided loyalty as they barked assent. He didn't deserve them.

He rushed to the execution, sinking his stake into the ground and he couldn't remember the last time it'd felt so good to hear Kyoraku's easy banter as his friend drove the other stake into the earth.

Later facing his master, the man he'd looked up to like a grandfather he felt ill. It was the last thing on earth he wanted and knew Kyoraku felt the same. To hear Genryusai recounting his feelings and their past with barely veiled betrayal stung deeper than any wound. Having his master cut him off as though he couldn't bear to hear excuses was worse. However the execution was wrong and his duty to his subordinates outweighed any personal loyalty he felt, on the grand scheme at least if not in his own heart.

So it wound up three people doing the last thing on earth that any of them wanted to do and Genryusai even complimenting them as they went to their deaths at his hand, it seemed somehow fitting.

He'd never felt as relieved as he did when Isane's message came through and it wasn't strictly because he would live. Kyoraku ended the fight with his usual deadpan but, they all heard the quaver in it. This fight that should never have been, would not be and never had treason been so welcome.


	17. Failure (Renji, Byakuya)

A/N: Gift for Sesh. Covers manga ch. 495-502 all dialogue copied from that. Also ties into 'Solid' a bit so you may want to read that first.

* * *

Fear. Renji had thought he'd known it in Hueco Mundo. He remembered it bitterly each arrancar they'd faced more powerful than the last and the gratitude he'd felt towards one particular Quincy for staying calm under fire. It had been more than a little humiliating and he'd sworn that he'd never be the weak link again. For eighteen months he'd trained and here he was, again at a loss, again fighting wild, animal panic. Yet this time he had no teammate, he stood between the enemy and Seireitei alone. Exactly like he'd trained for and if anything, he was more helpless than he'd been in Hueco Mundo.

He was forced back again and anger cut through the fear. Not that it helped much he was still about as effective as a fly biting a buffalo.

"Don't show mercy,"

"Captain?" he called in surprise. The captain walked up, implacable as ever though his voice was edged with anger, offended that the enemy would strike on their own turf.

As they took their positions Renji tried to explain that their swords wouldn't work.

"Swords don't work? Impossible," Byakuya replied. A moment later blood spurted from their invulnerable enemy's hand and the ground gave way beneath his fat subordinate making it two to one Renji's shame at having basically given up—Ikkaku would have beat him down for that— was eclipsed by a surge of hope. Uryuu had helped him out when he'd desperately needed it, but they'd been scared kids and in the end _had_ gotten their asses kick. Byakuya's cold confidence on the other hand was immediately backed up with results.

"If he manages to seal my Bankai defeat him with yours," Byakuya said calm and easy, as if he were ordering Renji to cover the paperwork while he was away.

"Captain!" he yelped. _What was he thinking? They knew the enemies' ability._ That was the worst thing they could do and he said as much.

Renji felt his fear ebb again as the captain calmly explained the plan the other captains had landed on. They had a plan, Byakuya was arrogant as ever and they were indeed going crush the enemy, he no longer had any doubt of that. He'd learned in his time with the sixth that when the captain got like that he got things done clean, quick and efficient.

He settled back to do his part. Getting the job done instead of chasing personal glory was another thing that had been pounded into his head, according to Iba the seventh was much the same.

X

Byakuya had denigrated Abarai's performance mercilessly it was cruel but he needed the lieutenant to be utterly confident in the plan or he would be too worried to do his job. Abarai's loyalty was commendable but not when it took precedence over duty. For Abarai to be that secure Byakuya had to appear to be. He layered every bit of arrogance he could muster into the lecture. If this _were_ to be his last day he wanted to die with honor and that meant doing his best to ensure the plan was successful.

Byakuya squared up to his opponent suspecting it was suicide and hoping that it would do as intended and provide an opening for the vice-captains. When they'd developed the plan he'd been impressed by young Hitsugaya's calm acceptance, though he expected no less from a captain he'd forgotten how much the youngest of them matured since the winter war. He'd also felt a small amount pity, Hitsugaya was only a kid really, obscene amounts of power or not. They all had their duty though and there was no time left for thought. His mind was blank except for sensory input, the mission, and a vague awareness that Abarai's reiatsu had stabilized and he seemed completely calm.

Apparently his vice had bought the show and with any luck, would remain calm enough to complete his task. He had faith this would be so, Abarai was nothing if not steadfast, if the enemy believed the bravado as well more to the good. He attacked.

The loss of his Bankai shocked him he'd been expecting to not be able to use it, not for it to simply disappear and he desperately called Abarai off before his lieutenant's Bankai fell into enemy hands as well.

The news that Ichigo was coming was reassuring even though it shamed him to know that they had failed to defend Seireitei and needed help. Now they were fighting a delaying action and that gave them breathing room.

The thorn of light bit into his shoulder, he ignored it.

"Captain!" Abarai cried out and there was more worry there then was prudent or appropriate. Again he ordered him back and laid out a modified plan. Again, his lieutenant's reiatsu calmed though he groused at Byakuya's bluntness. While there was truth in the fact that he didn't have a vast quantity of faith in Abarai's tactical cunning he had a second motive as well: there was no point in both of them dying. They didn't know the enemy well enough; Abarai's presence wasn't going to tip the scale. If he learned something Byakuya's death would have value, if not hopefully he could get away. That seemed right. It was getting hard to think, hard to move. A side effect of the thorn?

He slashed into Nodt, then his world disappeared into a frozen hell as Nodt explained exactly what he was feeling like he could read his mind. He saw Rukia in front of him her face peeling away as death came for her, it was taking everything he had not to scream. He barely even felt the blade impale him.

X

"The captain…fear?" Renji whispered aloud in shock as he listened to the monster's monologue. The enemy's praise sounded like a taunt. Then Byakuya struck and Renji almost cheered before he saw Nodt impale him and his captain didn't even dodge, frozen in place like he hadn't seen it coming. The monster kept up its monologue about how instinctual fear couldn't be overcome and Renji felt a chill run up his own spine remembering how he'd felt earlier, the natural fear he felt for his captain didn't help. Then Byakuya screamed a long animal roar he'd never heard before and lashed out.

He watched in horror as his captain fell his own Bankai in a shower of blood to. He launched himself forward, his rage and fear for Byakuya stronger than self-preservation, orders or even duty. Nodt ducked and shot sword petals at him before turning them on…Byakuya. Wait…what? How was was he standing?

X

Byakuya on hands and knees like a dog, felt Rukia's approaching and then fading reiatsu, knew she fallen. He saw Renji's reckless assault, the exact opposite of what he'd wanted and one of the bravest things he'd ever seen. Byakuya forced himself to his feet cursing his own weakness. Cursing that he'd put those two in danger. He swore that he would not be a coward in the face of Renji's valor.

His own Bankai washed over him as Renji screamed.

X

"Stooooooop!" Renji screamed, tears of helplessness and grief falling freely as he saw the captain cut down again.

Blind with rage he called up his Bankai, but before he could release it he was thrown back by an impact that felt like it broke every bone in his body, he was unconscious before he landed.

X

When the dust settled, pinned to the wall, dying, Byakuya stared Renji's broken body, tried desperately to sense his or Rukia's riatsu. He wanted to go to them it, needed to provide medical attention if possible, it was his duty, he simply wasn't physically capable of moving. He cursed his impotance, cursed the fact that his own terror at Rukia's death had likely caused that very thing. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. No not _self-_ fulfilling, he had made it so.

It was the first time that he had truly failed as a captain. He silently begged forgiveness and when the darkness finally took him, he was almost grateful


	18. Hemlock (Ken, Renji, Byakuya)

**A/N: X-mas gift for Twisted Virtue. I own nothing. Takes place after Renji returns to SS following Fullbringer.**

* * *

 _Renji looked down at the fallen fullbringer. He was happy to see that his training had paid off, that had been so effortless that he wondered if it was how captains felt all time. It certainly explained Byakuya's arrogance and Kenpachi's constant boredom. That said though he hadn't meant to taunt her, it was just that the Rukongai shinigami in general and the eleventh in particular did not care much for taking advantage of the weak. There was no challenge and thus the act of a coward._

 _Her praise warmed him; she was kind of hot if one went for aggressive chicks, those pants formed nicely around every curve and contour. Her actual sacrifice caught him by surprise though. People talk all the time but it's rare that they actually take action to fix a wrong. Not that he'd been afraid to die of course but that didn't mean he wanted to._

 _Then she was gone, dead so that he could live because of stupid a combat-bond that wasn't worth the wisdom exchanged much less a life. A woman, dead so he could live. An enemy so impressed by his skill and moved by the situation that she'd chosen to die._

Renji stared into the sunset on the east side of Silent Saddle, a dip between two hills that members of the eleventh tended to frequent back in the day. He didn't know if they still did. The eastern most of the two hills was taller allowing a view of the sunset over the westward one while moving fifty feet downhill would afford the silence and privacy of the 'saddle' itself.

He felt Byakuya approach yet remained seated on the grass. Partially because he was too tired to care and partially because everything that had happened over the last seventeen months had helped solidify his trust, he was comfortable with his station now. His captain approached silently and he looked up to meet the cold steel gaze with his own pained glance.

"Something wrong? Byakuya asked coldly.

"Nah just an opponent I respected," in the eleventh that would have earned a nod of sympathy and an offer to talk from a good friend, a nod and peace to meditate and reflect from anyone else.

"You took care of it?" of course he wasn't eleventh anymore.

"Yeah," Renji replied, a hand settled on shoulder.

"Well done, recover your strength," His captain said. Renji realized that he'd never asked about the Tsukiyama battle.

"There's something I don't understand Taichou, you got cut," a lot, he added silently. "I heard about Tsukiyama's power after the fact, how'd you counter it?" he asked curious. Silence greeted him.

"You didn't?" Renji asked shocked, "So why did you choose him?"

"My debt to Kurosaki was greater," Renji was older now and could hear strain in the pounded flat words, see it in eyes hardened to obsidian flakes. A ghost of what he was feeling perhaps?

"You alright Taichou," he asked, in too much pain himself too give a shit about propriety.

"What I felt was illusion he was a coward of the worst kind."

"From what I hear you must have seen him as a close friend. Ichigo said it took a few days for his friends to get back to normal," Renji couldn't help but think how much that must have sucked.

"Irrelevant,"

"Fuck Abarai, ya'v gotten soft in the Sixth, yappin' on 'bout feelings and shit," Kenpachi's voice rang out as he joined them and Renji looked around missing the look of relief that flashed in his captain's eyes.

Renji didn't tense, as he once would have, while they still constantly threatened each other – well Kenpachi threatened, Byakuya implied- they seemed to actually be good friends, by their own standards at least. That was to say Byakuya would occasionally speak to him by choice and Kenpachi respected him enough to make threats.

X

"I have a meeting," Byakuya said and left, grateful for the excuse and seeing that the other captain wished to speak to Renji.

"Good talk," Renji muttered. Zaraki observed him, he'd seen the look the kid'd had when he'd met up with Ikkaku and himself. He could recognize 'I didn't want to kill him/her' a mile away.

"So wha' happened wi' yer opponent?" he asked.

"Told ya' she died,"

"Ya didn't kill 'er,"

"Don't kill women if I can help it," Renji said miserably.

Zaraki found that a questionable position, but said, "How's she dead then?"

Renji wasn't keen on answering that, admitting he'd been saved at all much less by an enemy and a female enemy at that, "She wanted me to kill her when…" he paused to swallow. "When the…wherever we were started to collapse. I wouldn't so she did it herself."

Zaraki grunted, his respect for the warrior went up a notch, "Annoying."

"Aye," Renji said. They remained silent for a while.

Renji gave a quiet sniff, "I thought he'd get."

"He does."

Renji shook his head, "He expects me to just move on. 'Job well done'."

"He's Givin' ya' what he'd want," Zaraki replied.

X

Renji rose, wondering what the hell he was doing, the conversation had started out oddly enough, now it was just surreal.

"Well I'd better be getting back," he said.

"He came ta' check on didn't he?"

"No he just…" Renji thought back to his brief conversation with Byakuya. Why _had_ he been there? Oh. Renji brightened a little, not feeling quite so alone.

As he headed back Zaraki called out to him, "Don' be a bitch!"

"Eh?"

"He don' wanna talk, leave it."

Renji nodded and went on his way. When he went into the office the next day Byakuya gave him an appraising look.

"Take the day off,"

"What?" Renji's eyes widened, taken aback.

"You're still mourning," it was a statement.

"I'm being reprimanded?"

"No, but it's obvious that your mind won't be on work and you have the vacation days."

"Do you…" _do you still mourn Tsukiyama?_ He met the hard gaze and backed off, "Thanks."

He met Hisagi at the Wolf Den when the acting captain got off shift and spent an hour catching up and getting their drink on.

"Did you ever regret Tousen's death?"

Hisagi looked at him with drunken suspicion before answering, "I know he was the enemy but yeah. Hell I still go out to his friend's monument sometimes."

Renji sighed, "I can't get Jackie's death outta my head. I hate owing my life to some lady I knew for an hour. I feel like a traitor but it's like I lost an old friend."

"Well com'on you were eleventh you know the kind of bond combat forms and anyway if you're a traitor for that I'm worse," Hisagi said.

"At least you actually knew Tousen."

"He didn't die for me," Hisagi replied with drunken bluntness. Renji nodded.


	19. Old Wounds (Renji, Byakuya)

**A/n: I own nothing. Fine: 967 words. Renji has a minor illness and Byakuya over reacts. Established Ren/Bya.**

* * *

Renji coughed heavily and sighed as he took another bite of his breakfast. A chest cold had been nagging at him for more than two weeks and he still wasn't back to normal. He sighed feeling exhausted and wished he couldn't feel Byakuya's glare. Damn the man, it wasn't like he was trying to be ill-mannered.

They left for division headquarters where he worked in growing annoyance. For a man who almost never changed expression his partner somehow manage to radiate displeasure like a goddamn wave. Another wet hacking cough gripped him and he tried futilely to stifle it. His captain set down the paper he'd been writing up, his hand hitting the desk with a sharp slap. It was so uncharacteristic that Renji looked up though he'd been trying to avoid interacting with the man as much as he possible. At least until he stopped sending out those 'why am I with this dog?' vibes

"You will report to the fourth," Byakuya said.

"What? It's just a cold." Renji said surprised and a bit offended. Byakuya had become a rather protective, but this was a guy who'd sliced up his own tendons and _stood_ waiting for medical treatment. Renji could hardly take a statement like that as anything other than an insult to his own toughness.

"Are you disobeying an order?" Byakuya asked coolly. He glanced pointedly around the room to say 'in here I _am_ your superior'. Renji sighed loathing his partner and hauled himself to the fourth.

"It isn't like you to come here unless you're dying," Hanataro observed as he examined Renji. They had become something of friends through the trial by fire that had been the defection and winter war. The kid was getting bolder at least with people he knew, but Renji couldn't tell if this was ribbing or a professional observation.

"That's because I'm not a bitch," Renji replied. Hanataro gave what passed for a smirk.

"And here I thought you were just trying to impress your...captain," he said. Renji aimed a cuff at him and he ducked with the instinct for danger avoidance typical of the fourth.

"Shut up," he snarled. Hanataro snickered. "Am I gonna have ta put you in your place?" he asked playfully and saw a flicker of old fear before the boy replied.

"I'd enjoy watching you attempt it,"

Renji burst out laughing. "You're really bad at this."

"Hey I'm trying. Anyway just take these antibiotics and you'll be fine." Hanataro handed him a pill bottle and Renji rose cursing the waste of time.

Renji stalked home to the manor, his mood darkening by the minute as he contemplated how little Byakuya must think of him as a warrior to feel the need to hover so. His captain was already back apparently the visit to the fourth had taken longer than he'd realized. Byakuya's head snapped up and he gave Renji a sharp look.

"Told ya' I'm fine," he said as Byakuya moved towards him.

"What was wrong?" he asked.

"Pneumonia," Renji explained holding up the bottle. Byakuya embraced him and he was so caught off guard that he stood there blinking for a moment before returning the gesture.

"That's good," the proud noble's words were inflectionless as ever but Renji could feel tremors in his muscles.

"Something wrong? " Renji asked, concerned now as he felt his partner's shaky intake of breath.

" No," Byakuya replied tightly. He pulled back a little, meeting Renji's eyes and after a moment's contemplation elaborated. "I'm merely glad that you will not..." he swallowed and continued in a tone so forcibly calm and even that Renji could _feel_ the effort it cost. "Succumb in the same manner in which Hisana did. The clan would be less than pleased if, after being forced to except another commoner they again died suddenly."

As matter-of-fact as the words were, Renji knew him well enough by now to register the terror conveyed in those subtle tremors and closed the distance again, tightening his embrace.

"Sorry," Byakuya hissed Renji again heard the tightness in his voice, half emotion and half shame.

"For insulting me?" Renji asked surprised. Afterwards he would kick himself for that, Byakuya blinked. "You were insulted?" he asked actual concern showing through the haughtiness for once.

"Well yeah. I mean how much of a pussy do you think I am? I can take care of myself, have for decades without you," he snapped not thinking.

"As have I," Byakuya said quietly and Renji could hear more loss and pain concealed in those three words than he cared to think about.

Renji winced, "I sorry I didn't..."

Byakuya cut him off harshly "I didn't mean it like that. I simply do not wish to repeat the mistakes of the past," The noble's voice caught at the end and Renji wondered at his expression but he was staring over Renji's shoulder at moment and he couldn't see it.

"You didn't want to lose me like Hisana?" he asked all annoyance gone. Byakuya nodded silently which in itself spoke volumes. "You don't have to worry man, I look after myself fine," Byakuya said nothing but broke the embrace.

"My apologies for offending you," he said stiffly as he strode away. Renji sighed smiling. Some things never changed. He went to the bedroom to change into something more casual. It might earn him disapproving looks, but he'd be damned if he was going to prance around in full uniform just because he was part of a noble clan now. Anyway, it was about as close to playful as his reserved partner got and for that alone he would have done it. His eyes widened in shock when he noticed a drop of water on the shoulder of his robe. Apparently some things did change.


	20. Laughter is the Best Medicine (Kira,Shu)

**A/N: Fine:970 words. After Tousen's death Hisagi fights to keep his shadow at bay.**

* * *

Hisagi sat beside Kira on their usual bar stools, third and fourth from the left at the Wolf Den. It was a good position, far enough to the side to keep an eye out for trouble and far enough from the wall to have room to maneuver should any trouble arise.

Hisagi called for another sake and smirked openly when his friend ordered more schnapps. "Come on now you're on what? Your fourth drink? You're not gonna taste a little burn," Hisagi always teased him in this manner.

"If I'm spending money on something I want to enjoy the taste." Kira explained. Hisagi shook his head and hid a smile in his glass as he took a drink. While it wasn't actually forbidden, Tousen had frowned heavily on drinking, on any form of leisure activity really. Not that avoiding his disapproval over something so trivial made up for the captain being gone. It didn't even come close and worse than just comraderie he felt like he'd lost his anchor. Adrift. He had always known that if he lost control, if he let his shadow get too powerful Tousen would kill him before he hurt innocent people. Scary and final as the thought was it was also comforting.

Now Tousen was gone, had been for months. Initially he had dragged a despondent Kira to the Den with him to show that they were in the same boat and he didn't think the other a traitor, as time went on though and third squad was slowly 'forgiven', Kira appeared to find more of an even keel. Between that and them both being swamped with work they rarely saw each other of late. Hisagi even stopped meeting Komamaru-taichou at the monument, it just re-opened old wounds, opened the gate to anger and fear that fed the shadow, made him feel small and weak until he needed to do _something_ to take back control. Something that he'd never be able to come back from.

"Earth to Shu-aay!" Kira slurred. Hisagi blinked coming back to reality to see his friend waving a hand in his face. "Washa thinking? Yer gapin' like a koi."

He saw that his glass had been refilled and winced he must have been zoned out for a while. "I was juss' thinkin' I'm glad ya' asked me out tonight." he replied, embarrassed to hear his voice quiver at the end but drunk enough to not really care.

Kira's eyes sharpened momentarily, "More'n that."

Hisagi winced, "I miss Tousen-taichou, scared I won't be able to... be a Shinigami he would be proud of." he finished lamely well aware his tongue was getting away from him.

"He waz a damn traitor wha ya' care what he'd think?" Kira asked with surprising bluntness. Hisagi drew back in surprise, nursing his sake.

He sighed and threw the drink back in anger and self-recrimination, 'That's the point. I'm not a good person either but Tousen-taichou kept me on the straight and narrow and now..." he sighed again.

Kira shook his head throwing an arm around Hisagi's shoulder's "yer the best friend I got. Nuff this insultin' yerself an' maudlinness. Know what you need? Girls!" Hisagi was still muzzily contemplating if 'maudlinness' was a word when Kira slipped from his stool and stumbled down the bar. He swayed a little as he came to a stop in front of a woman on another stool. He tried to lean on the bar lost his balance and slumped against it with a thud. He smiled at the woman who was watching him now with a smoky chuckle. She looked amazing in a slinky red dress, no more than a couple of years older than Hisagi and with a rack to rival Rangiku's. If Kira struck out, he might have to try his luck.

"Buy ya drink," he asked. The woman nodded assent hiding stifling her laugh. "Two uh peach schnapps." he ordered. The woman was laughing again.

"See ma' friend o'er there?" Kira asked.

"Fireball," the woman ordered, still laughing and ignoring both Kira and the drink he'd ordered. Hisagi found this a bit cruel and slid off his stool, swaying a moment a little surprised at how off balance he was.

"Well ain't ya' a bitch?" Kira said with a pasted on smile like it was merely an amusing revelation. It was such a dead on impersonation of his friend's mischievous ex-captain that Hisagi stopped halfway to the 'rescue' laughing so uproariously he fell against bar. Kira met Hisagi's eye with a wink and smirk as he proceeded to the dancefloor. "So whaz a dame like ya' doin' in a den like this," he asked the first female he saw. The woman in question rolled her eyes and gyrated gracefully on. Kira undeterred slapped another girl's ass. A particularly jiggly ass that Hisagi had been keeping more than half an eye on while observing Kira's antics. The girl whipped around and decked him so hard that Kira hit the far wall. Hisagi winced and hurried drunkenly to his friend's side.

"Oh shit Kira!" Rangiku cried lowering her fist and reaching Kira at the same time as Hisagi. "Ah Kira I'm...I thought you were my ex" Rangiku began.

"Nah I 'served it, How many exes you go through in a week?" Kira replied already sitting up and clearly past feeling pain. "Kiss Hisagi better?" he asked brightly and clearly unaware of how little sense this must make to Rangiku.

"Do you want to get punched again?" she snapped walking away.

"Kiss me better?" Kira called after her. The lieutenant flipped him off as she returned to the dance floor.

Hisagi helped his friend up snickering, "You all right?"

"Fine you?" Kira asked his eyes sharpening again.

"Yeah I am," Hisagi replied surprised at the truth. " Thanks," he whispered.


	21. Forged in Hell (Yumi, Ikkaku)

**A/N: I own nothing. Written veeeeerrryyy late for my packmate Henka-chan's birthday. Pre-manga.**

* * *

Yumi strode onto the field to start his entry exam for eleventh squad all faux-confidence and bravado. He wasn't so much afraid of the test, though it was the most feared at the academy. He _was_ afraid of failing though, his personal humiliation aside and that would be bad enough, he didn't want to be separated from Ikkaku. His friend had passed the previous day and if they wound up in different squads it would take him decades to gain that level of respect and acceptance with anyone else. If he ever did.

At least in that scenario they could still be together though he knew they would drift apart in time. If he got in a bind and his Zanpakuto decided to release fully, Ikkaku would know his secret, what a pussy he was. If Ikakku just never talked to him again, it would be the best case scenario. He expected outright hatred though, years of relentless torment for being a poser.

Sweat gathered on his brow and back as he waited for his turned. The sun beat down on him, a mocking, all-seeing eye burning through his tough facade to reveal a soft kido-based core. And yet he could give Ikkaku a run for his money when they sparred.

"Yer up bitch," Zaraki yelled from his spot at the starting line. Yumi trotted up to the line unimpressed. The huge captain sounded more bored than aggressive, besides the worst he could do was kill him, that would be preferable to failure and disgrace.

At the captain's sharp command Yumi sprinted into the special stone pen and felt his hair rise as a twelfth division member closed the kido gate behind him to protect the rest of Seireitei. Yumi dove into the swarms of hollows 'borrowed' from twelfth division, his shikai flashed reflecting the full spectrum of color and he smiled admiring the beauty of it as he danced in the midst of the hollows.

He could feel his heartbeat clashing with Kujaku's energy but ignored it. When the last hollow fell it disappeared in a pretty swirl of spirit particles, almost making up for the dissonance he felt with his loathsome blade.

The gate on the far side of the arena lowered. He raced through onto the large grassland and began leaping through the obstacle course. He barely registered his own actions, mind fixated only on his current objective, his muscles performed their tasks with the instinct of long training.

Five minute fight with a squadmate on a twenty-foot high platform. Done. Run through trenches. Done Swim across the pool… a spray of water hit him in the face and broke his trance. Pain lanced into his nose fading to numbness as the water was swiftly followed by a punch. He felt a shock in his arm as it block another swing almost of its own accord.

He struggled to swim as he tussled with his opponent, who he found to be an eleventh squadmember several inches taller than himself. It occurred to him slowly—concussion?— that his opponent was standing and he quickly did the same and found the water to be barely higher than his waist.

Crossing was not an option even if he could stand to let the guy walk away after punching him, and he couldn't, it would be far too easy for the man to drown him if he simply focused on bulling across. Must defeat him, he thought falling back into his battle trance. His opponent back away a few steps as Yumi attacked, apparently surprised by his ferocity. Yumi's lips spread in a cold smile as he fought on.

The tide quickly turned though he never lost his smile. The advantage he'd gained by being underestimated was gone and his opponent was more experienced, bigger and had a fully released shikai. He trapped his opponent's sword between Kujaku's blades, grunting as he tried to twist it. A muscular hand slammed into the back of his head and forced him under the water.

He struggled, lungs screaming for air as liquid filled them. He fought his way to the surface only to be shoved back under. His opponent, apparently having recovered his unseemly arrogance, pulled Yumi to the surface again.

"Ain't as good as ya'…" he began. Yumi punched him in the throat and slashed his chest open with Kujaku, letting him fall back into the water for the fourth to fish out. He swam the rest of the way across and dragged himself up the steep, slippery mud bank, struggling not to fall back into the water. He gained the top, forced himself to his feet on shaking legs and began to lope on, chest heaving.

 _Can't give in, have to be good enough for Ikkaku, for the eleventh,_ he thought desperately as he came upon another arena, this one marked by a mere stonewall. He entered to find the ground covered in patches of coals, gouts of fire shot intermittently from fissures in the stony ground. He took this in as a background awareness, the majority of his fading concentration focused on the Shinigami in front of him.

He ducked, swung his sword and ducked again, feinting left as his opponent's saber-like blade bit into the ground. Yumi dove forward, his own blade flashing in the firelight, ignoring the heat as a gout of fire singed his lovely hair. His opponent dodged back and too exhausted to correct for the move Yumi felt his sword strike the earth.

He felt the intrusion as his opponent's blade sliced a long cut between two of his ribs and its owner turned and threw himself into a flurry of follow-up attacks with hitherto unseen speed. He twisted under the onslaught and finally registered the pain from his cut as it burned with the motion. He did his best to dodge, block but every move was a hair slow, his muscles jelly and mind fogged. Blood flowed freely from a dozen, a score, two score wounds. He refused to give in though and swung Kujaku futilely, barely scratching his opponent who responded by driving a stomp kick down on his foot. He heard the bones snap and gasped but kept struggling.

He couldn't give in, even knowing that he'd lose he had to keep trying, he couldn't just lay down and accept defeat. Ikkaku would have been disgusted.

X

Yumi bolted awake and found his arms pinned down, a scream tore itself from him. A hand landed on his arm.

"Easy man you'll 'ave Unohana-taichou on my ass," Ikkaku's familiar voice said. Yumi calmed instantly and he bit off the sound. He looked around and found that he was in a bed in the fourth division. He was strapped down which was highly disturbing, but there were no enemies in the room, just Ikkaku and his companion's legendary captain.

"I'm sorry," he said to Ikkaku. He met the warrior's eyes because it was important that Ikkaku knew the truth of his words, though he had to bite his lip to keep it from quivering. He refused to break down in front of the captain but it was taking everything he had not to.

Ikkaku released his painful grip and moved his left hand to Yumi's shoulder, his right was in a sling.

"It's kay man." he was smiling. Yumi forced one in return. "No really man same thing happened to me it's fine," Ikkaku continued grinning with genuine happiness.

"If ya' could beat an actual squad member it wouldn' be much o' a squad would it?" the captain asked.

"I…I was supposed to fail?"

"Ya' was s'pposed to fight even when ya' knew it was hopeless," the captain said.

"You're in," Ikkaku was still grinning ear to ear.

Yumi looked away as tears filled his eyes. The captain snorted and he could hear the man's heavy stride as he left them alone.

Ikkaku lost his restraint and hugged him, he grunted in pain. "I'm in," Yumi whispered in choked voice, disbelieving, allowing relieved tears to stream down his face

"Yeah man," Ikkaku said he didn't thank Yumi and didn't have to.

X

Zaraki smirked as listened to the twelfth division dossier again to make sure he hadn't misunderstood. The kid had a kido-type but hadn't even tried to use its ability. Obviously he liked a challenge, that suited the squad just fine, his loyalty was just as obvious and just as desirable. Yeah he would make a helluv an addition. Shit he'd gotten farther than his friend.


	22. Appearances (Bazz, Hasch)

**A/N: I own nothing. A birthday gift for TransByakuya. Takes place after Ch.543. Bazz-B is nominally trans but I didn't want to fuck it up so I didn't take it too far. Edited because I was an idiot and misspelled Haschwalth.**

* * *

Bazz-B watched Haschwalth staring at the newcomer and hid a wince. He was a man and a particularly fucking brutal example of one but had he not been, he would have offered his fellow Sternritter some form of comfort. Haschwalth stared hard eyed at the newcomer, he was so clearly trying to appear to not give a shit that it gave him away. Haschwalth was a cold bastard on the best day and the fact that he was actually putting effort into that was clear as dripping blood.

Screw it Bazz-B thought bitterly and grabbed another beer from the fridge. He carried it and the one he was already working on over to Haschwalth. The other Sternritter likely didn't want his help, he didn't blame him he was exactly the compassionate sort but he believed in loyalty and to see Haschwalth- more of a company man then the rest of them combined, tossed aside for some untested pup rubbed him the wrong way.

Haschwalth glanced over at him, he nodded and held out the beer. Haschwalth made no move to take it.

"What do you want?" he asked a hint of anger tinged the words and raised Bazz-B's hackles. Bazz-B swallowed the urge to smash him in the face with the bottle.

"Take it," he snarled. He would never regret asking Yhwach to make him what he was but occasionally he was embarrassed to find himself wishing for a little more diplomatic skill. Then again he doubted Haschwalth would be more accepting of Candice or any of the female Sternritter. He carefully avoided entanglements of that sort while the others banged a different chick every night. Admittedly he himself was now paying two of them off to not tell Yhwach but he still liked to think he was, in general happier than Haschwalth.

Uptight di...He felt a tug on his hand and saw Haschwalth looking at him unimpressed.

"Surely you can come up with something better than that," Haschwalth said. Bazz-B blinked.

"Sorry lost in thought I guess," He said gesturing with the bottle. Haschwalth took it.

"You thinking?" he asked and drained half of it in a swallow.

"It happens," Bazz-B shot back. "Wanna make something of it?"

Haschwalth shook his head and looked so defeated that Bazz-B didn't even want to punch him anymore.

"Shiiit cha look pathetic," Bazz-B never did have much of a filter. Haschwalth sent him a withering glare. "Just go kick crow-boy's ass if you're so pissed."

"It would interfere with the king's plan," Haschwalth replied as though Bazz-B were slow. Anger rose in him.

"Would ya stop bein' a bitch! The King is the king," Bazz-B lowered his voice and cursed himself a coward for it. "but he betrayed ya'," Bazz-B sneered quietly. Haschwalth looked away and though Bazz-B'd never admit it he had enough intuition to sense that Haschwalth was trying to compose himself. His superior brushed 'hair' away from his cheek though Bazz-B suspected he was wiping away a tear and looked back defiant as though daring Bazz-B to say shit.

"He's doing what's right for the war. He has a right to promote and tr-trust whoever he wants. It's not a betrayal," his voice cracked noticeably and Bazz-B felt disgust flood him. If the bastard started crying he was gone. He turned to get more beer and give Haschwalth moment to get his shit together to spare himself the awkwardness more than out of compassion. Returning with the beers and cracking his own he was relieved to see Haschwalth cold and professional as ever. They drank for a while in silence.

"Strategically it's sound," Haschwalth said as he finished.

"The fuck it is," Bazz-B snapped.

Haschwalth outlined his thoughts on their King's motivation. Bazz-B opened his mouth to tell him what a load of absolute steaming shit that seemed to be when his superior looked up and Bazz-B saw the desperation in his look. Bazz-B looked down at his drink and shut his mouth. Haschwalth knew he was grasping at straws and for once Bazz-B's need to be seen as a hard-ass took a back seat to his comrade's pain.

Haschwalth looked at him and he tried to avoid the gaze. Haschwalth's expression closed off again and Bazz-B knew that he'd read the skepticism in his silence. It amazed him that someone could be that expressionless and still look crushed.

They spent the rest of the day getting drunk together, something he'd never seen the other man do and he smiled. He might not have a bunch of pretty words of comfort but he had beer and was on Haschwalth's side. For tonight that seemed to be enough.


	23. Two Wolves (Shu, Tosh)

**A/N: I own nothing. Birthday gift for HisagiKuchiki please check out her work. Takes place during a random battle against the remnants of Aizen's force after his defeat.**

* * *

Kazeshini wanted pain, death. It wanted blood, his shadowy zanpakuto lashed out almost against his will but he knew deep down that the bloodlust, the cry for vengeance was bestowed upon the sword by him and not the other way around. In the moment Hisagi was the one out to destroy and Kazeshini was all too happy to oblige him. It sliced into the arrancar that was about to execute Rangiku from behind while she fought another and Kazeshini roared his pleasure. For the first time Hisagi truly acknowledge that the weapon's evil was a part of him.

' _Finally grew a spine eh Saggy?'_ Kazeshini cried in his mind and the old insult carried no bite. Apachi turned on him as Ukitake engaged Mila rose. He smiled, feeling blood run from the corner of his mouth a souvenir from a fraccion, it itched. He wanted blood from the bitch who'd torn his squad apart. Wanted her to pay for who she'd served, for trying to kill Rangiku. He snarled and lashed Kazeshini back as she dodged, he flicked wrist to cut its momentum mid-swing and change direction. The muscles in his forearm strained but he was rewarded as blood sprayed from her ribs.

"What will you do now?" she sneered. "That's not gonna work twice."

"You sure," he sneered back, hating her in that moment though normally he went out of his way to protect women. He flicked Kazeshini up, she dodged again and countered with a cero. He leaped out of the way and let the blast hide his own attack as Kazeshini shot down and sliced through her neck. He heard a quiet hiss of shock as her corpse hit the ground.

Rangiku cut another Fraccion down as Hisagi flash-stepped up. She turned smiling grimly.

"Zaraki-taichou would have fun. It seems there's no end to them," she said shaking blood from her sword in disgust.

"With these small fry? Not likely," Hisagi said cockily.

"Don't let my captain here you use that word," she replied with a shiver. Hisagi laughed. Rangiku paled and Hisagi followed her gaze his laughter choking off as he watched three Shinigami fall under the weight of the arrancar around them.

Rage flooded him, they'd defeated Aizen surely it was over now. But no the arrancar had banded together looking for revenge and he was back in the killing fields watching his friends and subordinates die.

He leaped towards the group, Kazeshini lashing around and wished that he didn't have his limiter. There hadn't been time to make another fake town though, the invasion had taken them by surprise. Fraccion and Numeros boiled from the garganta and Hisagi dove into the fray. The voice of his deceased former captain echoed in his ear.

"Shut up," he hissed as Kazeshini did its murderous work.

Through the spray of blood and the flames of his rage he was vaguely aware of Rangiku and a few others cutting into the mass. They were well out of his range though. _Good_ , he thought and lost himself in the killing and mutilation, vaguely aware of someone cackling. He assumed it was Kazeshini before he realized it was himself. He swept Kazeshini into another pack of hollows and heard a familiar voice yell in pain.

He leaped over the bodies to find Toshiro ghost white and holding one arm across his stomach. Toshiro took a step toward him and collapsed. Hisagi caught him and lowered him to the ground, he was bleeding profusely, almost cut in two and Hisagi quickly applied pressure.

"Medic!" Hisagi roared.

Kira rushed up, bleeding from a dozen slashes himself and took over. Hisagi stared numbly at the captain's wound clearly Kazeshini's doing and at his friend working desperately to heal the captain while his own cuts bled freely. Hisagi dropped Kazeshini, he wanted to break the damn thing. This wasn't what Shinigami were. They were supposed to bring souls peace. How had they strayed so far from their purpose? How had he strayed so far from his?

X

Toshiro awoke in a hospital bed with Hisagi leaning over him. Dry tears streaked the boy's face and Toshiro looked away.

"Really Hisagi compose yourself," he bit out, fighting the urge to throw up. Healing kido had always made him nauseous.

Hisagi gave a weak little chuckle and wiped his face.

"I'm sorry Taichou," he whispered.

Toshiro tried to shrug and winced, "I didn't dodge, my fault."

Hisagi sniffed, "It was mine. I…I lost control…Tou..Tousen was right…I'm so sorry."

Toshiro shook his head, "Kaname was an idiot."

Hisagi opened his mouth to defend his mentor and captain before remembering he was a traitor.

"It wasn't anyone's fault," Toshiro said more gently, "It's just war."

"I hate it. I hate myself for…I was enjoying it," he said disgusted.

"That's what war is," Toshiro said bitterly and he looked ancient for all that he was younger than Hisagi.

"I hate that Kaze… _I_ like it. I hate it so much."

"I'd be more worried if you didn't."

"Like it or hate it?"

"Both."


	24. Clarity (Orihime)

**A/N: I own nothing. Birthday fic for Fratoluminescence. Takes place after Fullbringer but requires knowledge of blood war. This is a surrealist fic, you have been warned. Edited in a missing line, thanks Fract.  
**

* * *

Orihime twitched in her dream. The man with the clown mask scared her a little. He reached down to pick up a crystal arrow with black fletching and as soon as he touched it, the ebony bow at his feet broke in two. A shadow floated up beside the clown masked man, scary to look at but somehow her instincts said it was okay, a very friendly shadow.

She drifted out of the house, down Karakura town's main street and came to a fruit shop, a mascot wearing what may, generously have been called a berry costume stood out front and was frantically wave her away. She ignored it and moved on happily, her feet touched the ground and she walked down a path paved in a mix of stones from the white cliffs of Dover and obsidian.

She glanced off to the side, saw a disembodied pair of green eyes. An orange bat swooped down and ate them and she felt a deep sadness well in her. Despite her grief she followed the bat, felt drawn to it.

The scene changed, she stood in a meeting hall now. A golden crown flew through the air and struck a shelf knocking off a beautiful swan figurine and a bottle of sake. They fell to shatter on the floor, a wave of sickness and fear washed over her, a deep instinctive revulsion that _those_ items had been broken like they were some kind of house treasure. She rushed forward futilely trying to pick up the pieces of glass and stick them together. She kept trying even though the pieces fell apart as soon as she got a few arranged, then she froze her hand hovering over a blade that had been hidden among the detritus. It was a long dagger that stank of sake, half of the guard was broken off and a gold wire that had once wrapped the crosspiece hung limp like a golden tear.

Her head snapped up as she felt a presence that hadn't been there before. A stereotypical indian warrior stood in front of her, he wore three feathers, one pink and blood red, another purple and black and the last a jarring cross of blood red and royal blue. She gave a squeaky laugh but the warrior merely pointed as though gesturing her on. She felt a sort of amused approval from him and saw the warrior suddenly turn and walk away garbed in funeral dress.

Shaking her head Orihime traveled through the streets of Seireitei with uncharacteristic, even inhuman single mindedness until she suddenly perceived that the berry mascot had mold on it. She stared not at all perturbed by the fact that logically speaking it shouldn't have even been in Soul Society.

It roared out calling for eradication of the 'enemy' despite the fact that it seemed to have no followers to obey the order. Its eyes blazing with literal fire as it slashed with a red sword in one hand and a white one in the other.

She giggled at the image and watched as the mascot struck down straw target dummies with letters burned where their faces should have been. They fell bloodless and new ones appeared in their place. They seemed to be guarding a snow-white bow that floated above the ground behind them and fired arrows of its own accord like some sort of gun turret. The mascot appeared to desperately want or maybe need the bow but was making little headway against the guards.

Underneath the bow as though under its protection sat the golden crown and it spoke though Orihime had no idea how as it had no mouth.

"Come to me!"

A second crown, badly damaged and blackened by fire hung by a chain from a tree behind the tableau. A tattered haori floated down on the breeze to cover it as it laughed defiantly.

She ran on and found herself in a meadow, shadows gathered and she looked up but saw no clouds to explain it. She began to panic the dream was turning into a nightmare, she was absolutely certain that if that darkness fell completely she wouldn't wake up. Suddenly a massive warrior leaped into the center of the field, the shadows rushed away from his upraised sword and he roared a battle cry. He was dressed like a Shinigami but his shihakusho hung open to reveal a bloody wound where his heart should have been.

The indian and a man wearing a costume to look like the giant warrior stood cheering on the far side of the clearing. As the shadows receded the warrior fell to his knees and collapsed facedown. The shadows stopped retreating, paused and began to flood back in as the cheering pair watched in shock.

The man in the mascot outfit suddenly landed in the middle of the field as though dropped from heaven. In a flash of light the outfit was gone, replaced by a hooded purple robe, crossed purple scabbards of a lighter shade held the swords on his back and in hands covered by gold gauntlets he held the bow he'd been fighting for. She couldn't see the hooded warrior's face but she knew without doubt or hesitation that everything was going to be alright.

In her sleep next to Riruka, Orihime smiled.

"She's waking up!" Uryuu called out and the others rushed in as she blinked sleepily.

"How are you feeling?" Ichigo asked earnestly.

"Alright," she replied.

"Good dreams I take it?" Urahara asked seeing her smile.

"I guess. I don't remember any."


	25. Faded Smile (Urahara, Ichigo, Tessai)

**A/N:** I own nothing. Birthday gift for GanymedeLullaby. Takes place during the timeskip.

 **Written to:** Darkside by Grandson.

 **Inspired by:** SesshomaruFreak's fic 'Hiraeth'. This isn't technically a sequel, but I highly recommend reading that first, it's only 250 words.

* * *

Tessai always worried about Urahara. The problem was that he remembered the kid from _before_. Before Aizen, before the Visored and the exile and C46. Before Soul society started using him like their personal messiah, while never rescinding their verdict. All the better to cover their asses if he wasn't formally connected to them.

It was partially Urahara's fault to, he went along with it. Whether it was for the challenge like he claimed, or for guilt or just because he'd never been as detached as he pretended and couldn't turn his back on the innocents caught in the crossfire, Tessai didn't know. He had his suspicions though.

He saw the look in the kid's eyes when Soul society revealed a new level of hypocrisy or used him to do their dirty work and wondered. He always wondered but never asked. Maybe he was scared of the answer.

Urahara had a good heart and for all he played at being the callous man-behind-the-curtain, it was a defense mechanism and nothing more. Never had that been more obvious to him than before the Aizen incident.

 _"They're using him," Urahara had said, referring to Ichigo. His tone was casual but his voice shook with rage._

 _"They are."_

 _The younger man sighed, "Like I used Rukia-san, I have no right to be angry."_

 _"That was for the greater good. The hogkoyu had to be protected," Tessai reasoned, though he had found the plan quite objectionable._

 _"And C46 would argue that this is, as well. Needs must."_

 _"Kisuke…"_

 _"Don't, I'm not looking for pity."_

 _"You seek something."_

 _Urahara shrugged and looked back at the view of Karakura town from the roof they were standing on._

 _"Maybe..." Urahara laughed, a bitter, broken sound that Tessai doubted he would have made intentionally, "Maybe I'm looking for an excuse so I can pretend I'm not the badguy in all of this."_

 _"Jesus if you're a badguy than so am I."_

 _Urahara shook his head, "No,_ _I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Y_ _ou were just being loyal to me and trying to get justice, you knew the truth."_

 _"Exactly you've done the best you can given a set of impossible choices."_

 _"No I haven't, this is my fault…all of it." Urahara looked like he was about to say something but paused instead. His expression turned grim, "When this thing with Aizen is over, I'm fixing this."_

 _"You can't fix everything and it isn't even your job to."_

 _"Oh come now," Urahara turned to him with a painfully fake smile, "I can pull anything off, Karakura town's resident man of mystery."_

 _Tessai found something unbelievably creepy about that smile but said nothing. He never knew what to say to Kisuke these days. It wasn't like old times when a little advice and a gentle word was enough to chase away the insecurities, the wilder ideas. Or even just the pain that came from a fundamentally gentle—if rebellious—soul being exposed to the darkest, most depraved things soul society had to offer._

 _"Kisuke?" he tried anyway, as his friend turned to jump back down to the street._

 _"Tsk tsk, we have a job to do, try to focus," Urahara said cheerfully despite the brittleness of his voice._

XXXX

In the aftermath of Aizen's incarceration Urahara stalked toward his own Senkaimon, robed in his old reiatsu cloak and carrying one of his more…efficient weapons. There was little chance of him getting out of soul society again, zero chance if he succeeded in what he was planning but then he didn't intend to.

He was tired of the guilt. Tired of the only things he was good at, showcasing the worst parts of his nature. Tired of C46's hypocrisy, which seemed little deterred by Aizen's massacre of the last batch of idiots.

He had told no one where he was going or why, that would be obvious soon enough. Even as amoral as he was, he felt bad about not leaving a note or something, but if he did they'd try to stop him, and even if they failed they could very well ruin his plan.

He knew what would happen, Tessai would swear that he could have done something, blame himself for not doing it, whatever he decided _it_ was _._ Yoruichi would be okay after a fashion, she'd mourn and get drunk, remember the good times, get laid and after a week or two she'd move on.

Ururu would be okay too, she'd cry and mourn and then she'd recover, maybe even learn a valuable lesson about the circle of life. Jinta was the one he was most worried about. Jinta would get angry, would simply hate him with everything he had. Properly directed that kind of anger could be useful but…

It also meant that it would mostly fall to Tessai to rein the boy in and Urahara couldn't help feeling like a bit of a dick about that.

He quickly flicked a tear away, angry at himself, he was certain about his decision and he would go out on his own terms, proud of his actions for once in his damn life.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" Urahara whipped around at the sound of the last voice he'd been expecting. Ichigo.

"This an' that," he answered playfully, pasting on his best mysterious smile.

"Right you just have a habit of sneaking back into soul society, tricked out with illegal gizmos."

"Well it wouldn't be a secret plan if I told you," Urahara teased, desperate for Ichigo to back off.

"Didn't we just fight a whole war to preserve soul society?"

"As a whole, not C46."

"Aizen already did that, they just replaced them."

"I know but…I have to do something. C46 used you like the cowards they are. I used you _and_ Rukia like the coward _I_ am and I just want to do one thing right in this damn life."

XxXx

Ichigo stared hat and clog's sounded like he was about to cry and more shockingly none of that made a lick of sense. Urahara might be insane and manipulative and a hundred other things but he was always rational even if the rationale was 'it amused me'.

"What the fuck?" it seemed the most intelligent thing to ask.

"I've made my choice," Urahara replied firmly.

"What choice? Don't you see this isn't going to change anything."

"It will change me."

"No it will give you an out. The rest of us still have to keep fighting. "

Urahara gave him a defiant look despite the tears in his eyes.

"You really want to flip the Seireitei off? Keep fighting. You have any idea how fucking annoying you are? Be the wildcard, the thorn in their side."

"I'm tired."

"We all are. You do this, you're just proving you're a coward."

"I'm okay with that. I won't be alive to care," Urahara said with a smile.

Ichigo punched him, a solid right hook that made his powerless arm ache and didn't even turn the man's head. So he punched him again with his left.

"You selfish piece of shit."

"What?"

"I gave up everything for you people and now you're abandoning me?"

"It's not…"

Ichigo talked over him, "I have to live as nothing, I can't protect my friends, I can't save anyone. I have to live in this useless shell and you still have your friends, your powers and you can't be fucking bothered to stick around? To look after my sister? When I lost everything for you?"

"I-Ichigo…I'm sorry there's nothing…"

"Out of answers?"

"Yes," a tear fell from his eye.

"Then let me give you one. You want a reason to live? To put up with all this bullshit? Here it is: you fucking owe me."

"I hate you," Urahara said handing over the reiatsu cloak.

"It's mutual," Ichigo replied shakily as he watched the shopkeeper close the Senkaimon.


	26. Pet Therapy (ensemble plus Cherry)

**A/N:** So when the pack was down a while back, I had this idea and wrote the Uruhara section, but then Lull was awesome, found us the kits and everyone perked up so I stop writing it. I then realized that it was the perfect piece of utter fluff for you guys and so I finished it as a Birthday fic for SesshomaruFreak and GanymedeLullaby. I'm posting on the 13th because it splits the difference in your BDs. I hope the rest of my awesome packmates like it too (please give them reviews). Special thanks to TheDrunkenWerewolf for letting me use Cherry and for helping with the ending. Please do not look for logical consistency here I didn't even try, just roll with it.

 **A/N 2:** I own nothing, TheDrunkenWerewolf owns Cherry though

* * *

 **Uruhara**

* * *

"You alright?" Tessai asked a hand on his shoulder.

"As rain! See?" Uruhara replied, raising his foot to show a clog and laughing at his own joke. It sounded a little hysterical even to his own ears and he stopped, forcing himself to keep smiling. Tessai gave him a doubtful look but said nothing. Uruhara trotted off to the roof of his shop. Good old Tessai was like a father to him and like a father it seemed he always saw through the act. Tessai had lost so much to help him and the Visored, just another casualty of his ego.

He'd racked up too many of those in his two centuries of life. He laid his hands on top of the roof-wall and leaned forward, watching the sun set. His smile faltered slightly as tears burned his eyes, it was so beautiful. What right did he have to be there, doing nothing, when so many young Shinigami would never get the chance again, when more were recovering from grievous wounds Yoruichi included? He blinked back the traitorous tears and smiled through the pain. Had to stay positive, _had to_ or he'd drown. It was so damn hard sometimes.

He caught a flash of white to his left and swiped his eyes with a sleeve, horrified that someone had caught his private moment of self-pity, but it was only Cherry. The little fox must have followed his scent, she darted to the far corner and looked at him, yipping as if to say 'watch this!'. She began chasing her tail and after a minute or two he sank down cross-legged to the gravel to watch, exhausted with life in general.

A short while later Cherry caught her tail with a yelp of surprised pain and stopped stock-still. She pulled her head back in surprise, staring at her tail, ears pricked to their fullest as though shocked by the development. Then she growled, ears flattening back, deeply offended…and began chasing in the opposite direction.

Uruhara laughed at her antics and couldn't seem to stop. It wasn't even that funny but he laughed like a drunk, laughed til his eyes watered and tears of mirth—that was his story anyway—streamed down his face.

Tessai went looking for his boss sometime around ten that night and found him sleeping on the roof a smile on his face and the little white fox sleeping with its head on his arm. He felt a weight lift from his own shoulders as he returned to the shop.

* * *

 **Renji**

* * *

They'd won the winter war. He should have been over the damn moon. He gritted his teeth. It was funny how life always seemed more difficult _without_ something to fight. The week since Aizen's defeat had been a lot of rebuilding, reorganizing and paperwork. He shifted his back into a more comfortable position on the tree he was leaning against.

Byakuya did seem to tolerate him more now and insulted him less which was cool, but his fantasies of respect and close camaraderie had gone out the window. The noble remained as closed off as ever and was, if anything, more contemplative. How that was possible was beyond Renji's understanding, Rukia had told him that the captain was happy they were both safe, but she refused to say anything more on the subject.

In one of those twisted jokes life played, now that he had the status to actually hang out with her, Rukia was accepting more responsibility for an increasingly ill Ukitake-taichou and had little time for socializing. Everything sucked, now that the joy at just being ALIVE had worn off, all the stress, terror, worry and guilt seemed to hit at once. He felt shaky, alone and he was lucky to get this hour of free time before he had to go to bed and do the whole thing again tomorrow. He tore a weed from ground he was sitting on and toyed with it a bit.

He could be spending this time with friends if any of them were free, which he doubted. Somehow though as alone as he felt, the thought of pasting on a smile to laugh, drink and tell war stories like he wasn't having nightmares about that damn castle, made him shy away. The fucking laughable thing was that he'd gotten out of the battle far more intact than most of his comrades, so he had no right to feel this way. Hell he'd spent what little free time he'd had the past week visiting them in the hospital. He should be there now but he just…couldn't. No he didn't want to. He didn't want to see Momo silently staring with her horror filled eyes or Ichigo, still unconscious or Soutaichou who he'd always thought was invincible, now missing his sword hand. How much of pussy did that make him? He couldn't even try to cheer up the wounded? What kind of piece of shit was he?

He swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. Goddamnit, everything was better, everyone'd lived, so why did it suddenly feel like everything was crumbling down to bury him. His chest felt tight and he closed his eyes trying to breathe calmly. True meditation was beyond him, but after a few minutes he had himself back under control.

He still had a half hour or so he should…do a lot of things. He didn't move, wondering idly how Byakuya handled it the way he did. Does he ever feel like this? Maybe not and I'm just a bitch but if not… At least he could talk to his friends. He wouldn't, they were still recovering and he didn't want to lay his petty issues on them but the option made things a little better. He would have offered his captain the same support if he'd been allowed.

That train of thought had just brought him back to his injured friends and just how shallow he was being. The fight was over he had nothing to be scared of, he deserved the guilt, and yet it didn't help. He was still a mess as the feelings he'd put aside for the sake of battle now hit him with interest.

Something struck his arm and he tensed, half striking out before he realized that it was just Cherry's nose nudging him. He lifted his arm and she walked into his lap rising up to put her paws on his chest staring at him with startling intelligence.

"Hey Cherry," he said pushing her down gently. She sat up as though listening. He petted her enjoying the soft fur under his hand. "So how's your day been? Cus mine's been shit," she gave a whine and cocked her head questioningly. She really was a cute animal he smiled and began to recount his day as he petted her. Somehow he wound up talking about everything, including a rant about how much his captain pissed him off, at which she flicked an ear as if to say 'I'm not buying it'. Which led to how pissed he was that his comrades were injured, Which in turn led to pretty much everything else. Cherry thankfully didn't seem bothered by the fact that about halfway through he started sobbing so hard that she couldn't have understood even if she were human. When he gave up trying to talk she laid contentedly on his lap while he petted her and tried to calm down. When he more or less had a grip she put her paws on him again licking his face. He tried to nudge her away but she returned.

"Ugh Cherry stop," he laughed. He stood, wiping fox drool from his face. "Fine, fine," he said and scooping her up, headed back to town. His step and heart far lighter now.

* * *

 **Ken/Yachiru**

* * *

Kenpachi sat at his desk doing yet another fucking yard of motherfucking paper. On any other day he would have said 'fuck it' and gotten the hell away from his desk. It would be even easier today, old man Yama was in fourth ward like a bitch, the spineless first division lieutenant was no concern of his. The flowery bastard filling in was worthy of some respect, but cared about as much about busywork as Zaraki did and more was likely to swing by for sake than say shit.

He could go drinking with his squad but they'd be expecting blood and hellfire stories about the battles with Too-many-fucking-limbs and Fat-ass. He didn't feel like sugarcoating shit. He'd go if they wanted him to and give them what they expected, but he didn't particularly feel like boasting about a fight that could have killed Yachiru, cracking jokes about a worthy opponent he'd been forced to kill or shitting on a guy he'd shared a fox-hole with. In a week definitely, but not tonight. looking for a fight felt strangely pointless with the ryoka boy still being a potato in fourth ward like a pussy. He could train the squad, but if he participated he'd wind up killing some of them. So he was doing goddamn paperwork because it was pathetically the best distraction he could find.

Yachiru was watching silently. She'd been disturbingly quiet since they returned. Worried about strawberry she'd said and goddamn if he could do anything about that.

"Fuck off and play," he said.

"Kay," Yachiru replied hopping out the window. She sounded so dejected, clearly taking it as a request rather than an offer, that he immediately regretted saying anything.

Half an hour and two pages later he gave up on his shitty attempt at distraction and went looking for Yachiru to correct things. He found her eventually and watched, from the roof he'd paused on. She was crouched on all fours in the alley below, growling at a white fox that was in a similar stance tail wagging. They rushed each other and Yachiru cuffed the fox not putting any force in it. The fox spun with the 'blow' and nipped her leg, letting go as she dove on it. They rolled over, she landed on top and tried to hold it down. Somehow the fox twisted away and bolted. It paused at the end of the alley tail wagging like it was saying 'come and get me' Yachiru let out a shrill laugh as she gave chase. Zaraki watched them wrestle and chase each other for a while a gentle smile on his face. Yachiru was laughing and happy everything was right with his world. Fuck everything else.

* * *

 **Toshiro**

* * *

Toshiro blinked back tears as he rubbed Momo's hand. He hoped that she was too out of it to notice, though that was the one thing she would- _had_ -never teased him about. That thought alone was almost enough to make him breakdown, and he bowed his head for a moment, composing himself before he swiped a sleeve over his eyes and rose.

"I have to get back to work now Momo. I…I'll be b-back soon," he said. She didn't answer of course, wasn't able to. He wiped his eyes again and took his leave, dragging his exhausted body back to his office, the fourth's chairs didn't seem to be made for sleeping in, as he had done for the last week.

He settled down behind his desk and got to work. Tense, exhausted and itching to be doing anything else. He forced his hand to draw the flowing calligraphy required for formal documents knowing full well how immature he was being. He was never going to reach the pedestal everyone had prepared for him by acting like a little kid. He wasn't going to reach it remaining at the level he was at either, if his failure in the winter war was anything to go by. He would train after he got through the mountain of paperwork before him. He rubbed his eyes, in exhaustion this time and picked up the pen again.

A white streak flashed in front of him and he found himself staring cross-eyed at Cherry standing on the stack of forms, a ball clutched in her mouth as spilled ink pooled around her paws.

"Damn you," he snarled tossing her from his desk and frantically trying to clean the pages before slamming them into the trash as a lost cause. He took more off the stack and turned to find Cherry back on his papers. Hissing in frustration, he took the ball.

"You want me to throw this? is that it?" he asked rhetorically and heaved it as hard as he could through the open window. Cherry shot from his desk jumped onto the cabinet, through the window and was gone. "Good riddance," he said to himself as he sat down to continue trudging through the paperwork.

Of course, he'd spoke too soon, Cherry was back on his desk three minutes later. She panted, her tail wagging as she dropped the soggy ball on his papers again. Okay it was like with Rangiku: just ignore her and she'll go away. Unfortunately Cherry had nothing better to do and he did. On to plan B, maybe he could just tire her out. She was small how long could it take?

Taking her outside he tossed the ball again. It felt good to be in the fresh air. With everything that'd been going on he couldn't remember the last time he'd been outside except for training and battle. Eventually Cherry tired of returning the ball and insisted on tug of war, he sighed and obliged her, not really that bothered. Finally she laid down, rolling over to expose her belly and he knelt to rub it.

"Oh Taichou! It's good to see you smelling the flowers for a change," Rangiku shrilled too-happilly.

He winced, "Cherry was interfering I thought tiring her out was the most efficient option. I'm going back to work in a minute."

Rangiku frowned. "That sucks. I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked uncertainly.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked the smile falling from his face. Wait why was he smiling?

"It's five. Are you feeling alright?" Rangiku asked. Toshiro stared at her for a moment then looked up at the sky. D _amn,_ it was probably closer to six. It'd been three hours?

"Fine," he replied reflexively and Rangkiku walked on, having already forgotten the exchange. He rubbed Cherry's belly again. "I should get caught up," he said resigned.

Cherry rolled to her feet with a yip, picking up the tug-of-war rope. Toshiro smiled it could wait until tomorrow, he grabbed the rope.

* * *

 **Byakuya**

* * *

Byakuya sat on the couch in his living room following a particularly volatile monthly clan meeting. He stared at the wall lost in thought, the room was tastefully decorated with wall hangings of trees and birds, landscape paintings of the manor, and a small bonsai tree in the coner to his left. All courtesy of Hisana of course, his own tastes were more Spartan, outside the trappings of his station. With the exception of a single portrait of Hisana, which he'd moved to her shrine, he'd touched nothing and would kill anyone who did, propriety be damned. Shamefully he'd wept the night after he removed it, confirmation that she was really gone, but he couldn't bear it hanging there as a constant reminder. Coward.

He turned his thoughts from the past to less painful subjects. The recent war, he'd almost lost Rukia, how close it'd come still gave him pause, had almost lost Renji too if the after action report was anything to go by. He owed Mayuri now which was just distasteful, but better than having to find a new vice. Speaking of debts the ryoka boy had been stripped of his power. He almost had to respect that. The boy'd made his choice for the greater good, though they'd manipulated him enough to bring his agency in it into question, he was certain that the boy would have made the same choice anyway and hated the subterfuge. He remembered how upset the boy had been when that mask had taken over during their fight, he certainly would have made the right choice. He strove to think about anything else, that fight brought to mind things he really did not want to think about outside of actual meditation.

He sighed in the dark running a hand over his face, exhausted. He heard a noise and immediately snapped his head up expecting assassins even if none had tried in almost three decades. Instead he saw the small, tame fox that was always skulking around, trot across the hard wood floor. How she'd gotten in was beyond him. She pawed at his leg he ignored it until the third time; commitment was worth something. At any rate while it was unclean and unseemly to have an animal on the upholstery there wasn't really a problem if she stayed on his lap. She laid down obediently and he found himself stroking her absently.

He found his thoughts settled with the stroking, like an active meditation. It was good, Companionship without the need to talk. The room remained dark, blessedly silent and yet the warm fur under his hand reminded him that he wasn't alone. There were no judgements, no pathetic, meaningless words of 'absolution' for almost letting the two most important people in his life die. They _were_ the most important, never mind that they both hated him, Rukia if anything more so after what had happened to the Ryoka boy. There was none of that though, just warmth, silence and the dark. He drew a breath and it shook a little with relief. Maybe he shouldn't use 'dog' as insult, it was offensive to actual canines.

"Arigato," he whispered though of course the fox couldn't understand.

It was much later that he realized he had it backwards dogs were dogs they just had their good points.

* * *

 **Ichigo**

* * *

Ichigo sat on the bench outside the hospital ward, relieved. His friends were gone, he was alone and could finally spot pretending everything was okay. Yay it was true he'd had his fill of war but every time he walked and got tired could feel the all-too-human ache in his legs every time he realized that he was as frail as his companions now, more so really. He hated it.

He saw cherry come up yipping to join him on the bench.

"Go'way," he snarled, very much NOT in the mood. She butted him with her head he shoved her off the bench, instantly hating himself. She was just a fox and it wasn't like Gin'd trained her.

He heard her growl and looked up to see her looking back at him…with his substitute badge in her teeth. Shit. He leaped to his feet.

"Give. Drop?" he tried on the off chance that Gin had given her _some_ training. Certainly Aizen, manipulative bastard that he was, would have made sure…right? "Give!" he tried again authoritatively.

If he didn't know better, he would have sworn she grinned at him as she turned and bolted.

"Get back here you goddamn mutt!" he roared taking off after her and tripping as he tried to flash step.

He was back on his feet running like a madman in seconds, "I'm gonna have your pelt you filthy mutt!" Renji looked up eyes wide with fear as he ran by. He said something but Ichigo didn't hear. After about three miles his legs were on fire, lungs burning as he ran through the forest but, he could see the whelp trotting ahead of him having slowed as well. She stopped and turned as he trotted up on shaking legs.

"You gonna… _gasp…_ give it to… _gasp…_ me now?" he snarled. She growled around the badge. He dove for her and she leaped away. He scrambled up and spit a mouth full of dirt. "You're as sneaky as your bitch master then," he acknowledged. Smiling at the challenge now he had her measure and he was going to get his damn badge. They circled he feinted, she dodged, he grabbed her put she twisted away leaving him with only a few pieces of fur.

They circled again and he backed her towards a tree she edged too far one way and with a lunge he landed on his stomach and grabbed her collar. She was too close to the tree to dodge. She tried to twist away and he gripped tighter. She cocked her head, dropped the badge and he let go. She whipped him in the face with her tail before prancing back the way they'd come. _Cheeky bitch,_ he thought as he picked up the badge and got to his feet. She had spirit though. He returned to the city feeling like himself for the first time since he'd woken up more than a week ago.

* * *

 **Gin -** _six months earlier_

* * *

Gin got home from work to see Cherry sitting in front of his house.

"Ah! Che-Che! Was wonderin' where ya'd got to. Ya been fishin fer th' koi 'gain?" he laughed at her wide-eyed 'who me?' look as he picked her up and entered the house. He poured himself a glass of sake, a difficult task with an arm full of fox but he was well practiced, and settled on the couch with Cherry on his lap. He drank as he petted her and heard her sleep sounds before he finished the glass. He chuckled.

"Why're _you_ so tired? I'm th' one tha' works all day lon'." he asked the sleeping fox. He was so glad he'd found her, just her presence made everything seem so much better even if she was as lazy as he was.


	27. It's a Fox's Life (Gin, Grim, Cherry)

A/n: I own nothing. An x-mas gift for Sunky0ne because I was told she liked Cherry and it's the best way to ensure I don't kill any characters. Slice of life CherryPOV.

* * *

Cherry slipped quietly through the dark halls of Las Noches, jumping at every sound. There were bad, unnatural things in the strange cave system. She hid in the shadows behind one of the rock-trees that grew into the roof. The bitter musk in her nose belonged to the one her human called Nnoitra, she could smell the wariness on her Gin whenever they were forced to be together and knew to be scared.

She waited for him to walk by and continued cautiously on her way, prowling down the hard stone cave floor until the scent she'd been following became stronger, concentrated. Her prey had stopped moving, possibly having bedded down. She nosed the dead tree-piece that protected human dens. She was relieved when it opened at the pressure, sometimes they didn't and she would have had to scratch or wait. She didn't want to be stuck in dark hallway alone.

She moved through the den following the scent. It reminded her of the flying rabbits that populated normal caves, but stronger and with a burned tang. Empty green eyes rose to look at her.

"You're Gin-sama's" Ulquiorra said. She leaped unto the bed and wagged her tail with pride. "You shouldn't be here."

She cocked her head and gave small growl to say 'you're not my boss', that accomplished she bumped her head against his hand. Lonely humans liked it when she did this. Apparently, he was the same because he began petting her. This continued for several minutes before he picked her up in a manner very similar to her Gin.

"You're going back to Gin-sama before he thinks I took you," Ulquioraa explained quietly. She wagged her tail slowly, glad to be returned but feeling defeated. She could still feel the Tension and smell the stress on him still. He slapped his hand against her Gin's den-protector and it opened to reveal an annoyed, bleary-eyed Gin. She had come to associate this with the phrase 'For god's sake it's something o'clock in the morning'. She had no idea what this meant but knew it was the inevitable response if she woke him to close to sunrise though how close was allowed seemed to vary.

"Sorry to disturb you Gin-sama, this made its way to my room. "

"Ugh, thanks Ulq," her Gin mumbled and she was passed between them. She quickly nuzzled closer to his familiar scent, a bit of her own, a faint trace of her mate, the dominant, older smell of his own mate and something uniquely him. The Gin-smell was good, relaxed, neither particularly submissive nor dominant and a bit flowery. Ulq and her Gin yipped at each other some more and then Gin carried her into his den and settled her next to him as they bedded down together. She snuffled contently and nuzzled into his arm.

The next day she sat on his lap through a long 'meeting'. It was boring and took forever and she couldn't even doze because they kept yipping and barking. She couldn't even understand most of it. She used to be upset whenever her Gin went to a 'meeting' because he wouldn't take her. Since they had come to the night-world he always brought her, _if_ she was on 'best-behavior'. She wasn't sure which was worse. Finally, it was over and he let her down. She quickly darted off looking for something interesting, her claws clicked uncomfortably against the stone as she ran along. Eventually she slowed and strolled into a room with a noisy box, 'tee-vee' her Gin had called it. The room smelled like a cat and she growled a little out of instinct, even though she knew it was just one of the not-humans that populated the cave system.

She suddenly noticed his spiky blue pelt on the 'couch'. She'd been curious about it ever since arriving here. It looked so different from her Gin's soft, silver fur and she'd wondered what it felt like. She leaped over the side of the 'couch' to pounce on it. She screeched in surprise as she was thrust into the air and scrabbled with her claws for purchase. The not-human she'd landed on howled and while she didn't understand the words, she knew they conveyed anger.

She felt distinctly motion sick as he tried to shake her off which only succeeded in getting her claws more tangled. She hissed and struggled, scared now as the not-human kept howling. Finally, she fell free and twisted to land awkwardly on the 'couch'. The not-human roared and lunged for her as she leaped off the 'couch' and bolted, ignoring the pain in her hind leg as she tracked the scent of her Gin, running for all she was worth with the not-human thundering after her, still yelling anger-words.

Her claws skittered as she took a corner, the cat-scented, not-human hard on her tail. She dodged behind her Gin's legs and cowered, trying to look as 'adorable' as possible. She didn't know exactly what that was, but she knew what actions and poses got her that praise.

X

Grimmjow pulled up just shy of smashing into him and Gin stared at the panting arrancar. He then looked down at Cherry cowering behind him.

He reached for his sword, "You got a problem with Cherry-chan? What could a little fox have possibly done to you?"

He actually was a little curious, the arrancar's eyes blazed with rage and blood dripped into them from under his hairline.

"That mongrel…I was just…" he looked between Gin glaring death and Cherry who had laid down and was hiding her muzzle between her paws. "Ah screw it," he muttered and walked away.

When he was out of earshot Gin let his hand drop from Shinsou's hilt and picked up Cherry-chan. He check her over, she appeared unharmed and licked him before staring up innocently. He laughed.

"What the hell did you do girl?" He would have sworn she grinned as her tail started to wag furiously. Gin sighed and carried her away chuckling, "Well whatever it was, he probably had it coming eh?" she yipped as if agreeing.


	28. En Garde (Fire and Ice 1)

**A/n I own nothing. I will give reciprocal reviews. This is a little context piece for the almost fight Zaraki and Byakuya had in chapter 65 and all diolougue is copied from that. It felt kinda ooc and this is my interpretation. Let me know if I'm wrong. This makes a little more sense if you've read 'reaction'. Done in Omni 3rd pov.**

* * *

Kenpachi listened to Gin taunting the captain of the sixth and waited, bored. He'd always wanted to test his skill against the man but, the noble was ridiculously hard to provoke. He figured this was his chance. It was disgusting. He wasn't exactly one to preach the moral high ground but, if you were lucky enough to have family you _did not_ turn your back on them. If he could provoke him maybe, the noble had _some_ redeeming quality. If he couldn't provoke the other captain he might just start it himself out of contempt. Either way he got his fight.

"Why should you be sad? The blood of a criminal only dishonors a distinguished family." he taunted. _And that's all you care about isn't it 'noble'?_

Byakuya was used to Gin's mind games, kept a rein on his anger and frustration. Kenpachi though, annoyed him on the best day. He was nothing but a dumb, rabid animal not bound by any real social conventions and little by soul reaper rules.

"How surprising, a commoner who understands the ways of nobility," he said. _You think this is about my NAME, you psycho._

"If you wish…I'll behead the criminal before the execution," he taunted. _Spare your precious house the dishonor of a recorded execution. Are you really so selfish?_

"I'm not sure that one with your skills could actually manage that job," he replied. _This is the law. I have no choice but, you can touch her over my corpse._

"Want to test me?" Kenpachi said. _You self-centered piece of shit._

"Want to be tested?" Byakuya offered. He was shamefully starting to lose control of his anger.

For an instant Kenpachi saw rage burning in the eyes of an otherwise impassive face. Then Gin had to interfere. He was dragged away, enraged at having his fight broken up. Later when he'd calmed down, he couldn't shake the thought that he was missing something. Damned if he knew what though.


	29. Esprit de Corps (Fire and Ice 2)

**A/n: I own nothing. A welcome back gift/request for Sesshomarufreak based on the omake for ep 142. As usual please R &R her and TheDrunkenWerewolf's stuff.  
**

* * *

Zaraki walked through the precipice world next to him, trimming his nails on his nameless sword, projecting absolute boredom in the. Byakuya ignored his undesired companion not deigning to as much as glance his way. Really had the sword-for-personal-grooming schtick ever intimidated anyone? The need to resort to such coarse and barbaric…

"This is fucked," the unsolicited statement cut through blissful silence while Byakuya for his part tried to tune out the pointless ranting. "That kid isn't prepared. Tell me this doesn't piss you off?"

"We have our orders," he allowed no inflection to color his reply, but gods did he get sick of repeating that. They walked for a stretch in silence before the barbarian grabbed his shoulder in a vice-like grip. Halting he spun around sword half drawn ready to fight for his life but, there was no threat. Zaraki's sword was relaxed at his side, relying on reiatsu to shield him—the only Shinigami other than Soitaichou for whom that wasn't laughably arrogant— and only frustration was in his eyes.

"The kid's gonna take it up the ass, Its fucking cowardice and you know it," he snarled. Byakuya closed his eyes briefly as he sheathed his sword, as far as he'd known Zaraki hadn't been in the need-to-know circle as far as the true reason for this 'recall mission' was concerned. Zaraki gave a bitter snort as they moved on.

"Ya' seriously thought that was a secret? Its way too big of a project, that many people are gonna talk. Even if they didn't it hardly takes a high int'lect' he said this in a manner that made it clear he was questioning Byakuya possession of such. "ta figure out what a kid who broke the fuck into soul Society to save someone is gonna do when another of his people is kidnapped."

Byakuya forced himself to walk on calmly, view the situation dispassionately as opposed to through the lens of owing a personal debt to the boy.

"It's what's best for soul society," he replied finally.

"Hypocrite!" Zaraki barked. That wasn't even worth a response, he was many things but followed the same rules he enforced. To a fault perhaps, a voice whispered in the back of his head as he thought back on recent events. A lifetime of politics and assassination attempts gave one some skill in reading people and he could feel the disdain Rukia projected even if she said nothing. It was obvious enough that she hated him and had every right to do so.

Perhaps it was guilt, maybe genuine curiosity or the demon's singular knack for infuriating him, but eventually he did lower himself to respond, "How do you presume that? You consider it hypocrisy to follow orders?"

"I consider it hypocrisy to hide behind 'honor' as ya screw over yer friends an' family," he snarled. Byakuya was surprised; there was an edge to the barbarian's voice that said he was taking this far too personally.

"I have no need for friends and as for family as I told Ukitake-taichou that's no one's concern but the clan's."

"Whateva the fuck ya' say bitch," Zaraki snarled picking up his pace. His hand twitched reflexively for his sword, but let it slide as just Zaraki being Zaraki, he had other concerns. What caught his attention more was the pain that flashed in Zaraki's eyes when he said it. It was fleeting; the type of thing that you only noticed if you were practiced in the art as well, but it was there.

"Why do you care?" he asked lowering his voice so it wouldn't sound like an accusation or insult.

"Ah don't, just think ya a cunt," he replied striding past. Byakuya exhaled through gritted teeth, wondering at the man's singular ability to get on his nerves though remained calm since it was quite obvious that the other was merely lashing out for the sake of it. Immature to be sure, but nothing to draw for mortal combat over. As he watched the other stalk ahead, he thought about the situation and what he knew of the man and it clicked. For someone who'd been alone basically their entirely life family wouldn't have the bitter connotations that it did for himself. It'd be a sort of virtuous ideal something to be protected and coveted the way a poor man coveted gold.

In that context he must seem the ultimate traitor. He could hardly blame the man's anger or distaste though there was nothing that he do about it for the moment. They collected the targets and returned them to Soul Society without any more needless discussion. As they stepped through the gate into Seireitei Renji broke the silence to ask how they'd timed their entrance so well.

A dumb question, which he responded to sarcastically, this appeared to be lost on Renji unfortunately, the mutt was loyal but lacking in anything like mental agility. Zaraki helpfully sold it with a feral 'do you really want to know' grin because well…the truth would have done neither of their images any favors and for both of them image was as much a matter of survival as vanity if not more so.

Had he not had a personal stake in the matter he would have been secretly smug over the fact that he'd found a way to help the boy he was unfortunately indebted to while Zaraki of all people had played the good boy. As it stood he was quite…disdainful to put it mildly, of the fact that despite their obvious desire to the contrary Zaraki had held Ikkaku and Yumi in soul Society. He only found out much later that Soutaichou had specifically requested them for the defense of fake Karakura town.

Even he couldn't miss the irony.


	30. Raison D'etre (Fire and Ice 3)

**A/n: I own nothing. Please r &r Sesshomarufreaks' fics if you like yaoi. Setting: The captains arriving in Hueco Mundo. Thanks again to Dreadful Virtue for her insight.**

* * *

As they made their way through the garganta Kenpachi could feel the tension in the reiatsus around him excluding Mayuri he merely felt fear there. Shocker that. They arrived on the dusty ground looking around and he felt the tension rise. Ichigo was clearly in battle so at least he was still alive, there were three more also in battle but, fading fast.

Unohana-taichou and her vice ran off in the direction of nothing. He assumed it was a reiatsu to weak for him to sense. Mayuri headed for his 'nemesis' as he had kept calling the Espada…the whole goddamn way. He himself rushed forward to get to Ichigo and have his slice of the battle. Anyone who could give Ichigo a fight might be worth his time. He was surprised to feel Byakuya flash step past him.

"The fuck are you doing?"

"Following orders," Byakuya called back. He didn't think he'd ever seen the man run so fast and that was saying something, given that Soi fon and maybe the old man were the only members of the Gotei thirteen that could beat him for pure speed.

"You do realize that the boy ain't gonna do jack shit unless his friends are safe," he called up.

"He will see his duty,"

"I'm tellin ya we'll have to kill him to get him to leave without them, I've got this," he tried again, anticipation for the fight singing in his veins. Byakuya actually halted, shifting uncertainly.

"This isn't about your personal glory," Byakuya replied an edge to his words.

"It ain't gonna go any faster with ya getting underfoot. Now shut the fuck up and get outta my way," he ignored the glare.

"You're as shortsighted as ever. If Aizen wins who survives isn't going to matter," Byakuya said quick and clipped.

"Okay fine it's about the mission what the fuck ever. I won't need help so Stop. Wasting. Time," He snarled. He saw the other hesitate a half second, calculating then he was gone. _That's it man, go get your pup,_ he thought as he ran toward Ichigo _._ If he were honest he would have made the same argument even if he didn't think the boy cared about his friends. There was no power in the three worlds that would have kept him from Yachiru if she was hurt. There was no way in hell that he was gonna let someone abandon their pup for the sake of honor, particularly if there was nothing to be gained by doing so.

When they met later, racing to meet the latest threat he turned to ask if the pup had made it but, took in the perfectly stable reiatsu and kept his mouth shut.

"Arigato," he heard in a whisper so quiet that he almost missed it with the wind rushing in his ears. He was surprised by the acknowledgement. Then the bitch had to go attack his new toy. So much for gratitude.


	31. Coup de Grace (Fire and Ice 4)

**A/n: I own nothing. Inspired by a convo with Sesshomarufreak and Kitty by Dreadful virtue who— if you're reading this—should really finish weakling. Setting: Pre-manga and Yammy final fight..**

 **A/n 2: edited for something DV brought to my attention. Thanks :)**

* * *

If Kenpachi wanted to give him a hard time about taking the first shot that was fine, he could take on the Espada on alone if he wished. It would be his luck that the savage actually won. Said savage walked back saying that Byakuya could have the finishing blow. He was offended but, only slightly though he knew that to Kenpachi it was a massive insult. He figured that this would be time for an experiment.

He remembered a day more than ten years ago now. A random happenstance had him catch the demon standing before the body of a man who'd actually given him a serious battle. Byakuya had honestly thought he might lose for second. While the rest of the battle wound down around them he saw the demon kneel respectfully before his victim and whisper 'arigato'. Then he rubbed the man's eyes closed and wiped his own eyes before returning to the fight.

Byakuya never would have made such a lowblow in front of anyone but, there was no one else in earshot. He replied to the insult with a standard classist rebuke but, what he meant was 'just admit that you don't actually like killing'.

X

Of course the enemy had broken up their would be fight. Yeah he was being a dick but, he just wanted Byakuya to fucking admit that he liked to fight, that when it came right down to it he wasn't so much better than a 'savage' like himself. He saw the look in Byakuya's eyes when he claimed that it was too much for the man to handle and almost laughed. So there _was_ some fire under all the ice. They faced off to fight again but, wouldn't you know that damned Espada wouldn't let him have his goddamn match, seriously the bitch was worse than Gin. They fought on and then when he'd thought they were finally done and could get back to the main show the bastard grew again. What the fuck.

He would admit under heavy torture to a second's worry at the thought of having to fight that enemy with someone underfoot. Byakuya took off the white bladelets he had ready to attack Kenpachi now brought to bear against their opponent. He took advantage of the distraction to start slicing and dicing. Surprised to see that his unwilling comrade was actually not getting in his way but keeping his distance using superior range to slice from afar and snipe with kido. As it turned out the Espada focused on him because he was slower so he wound up the decoy while Byakuya darted around at a safe distance.

"Always keepin' yer hands clean aren'tcha" he roared playfully as he darted in for another attack.

"Compared to you a cesspool is the height of purity," Byakuya shot back. High falutin' asshole. A foot caught him and flew back through a rock pile. He thrashed his way free, still dazed to catch a flash of tail and everything went black.

Slowly opening his eyes he found himself laying on his back aching all over. A grunt caught his attention and he turned his head to see Byakuya straining as his sword held back their enemy's massive foot while a quickly failing kido barrier kept the rest of the creature at bay. He rolled out of the way and Byakuya flashed out as soon as he was clear, getting clipped in the process as the slammed into the ground where Kenpachi had been a second before. He winced as he heard the snap of bones but, was already back in the fray, slashing away as the barrier broke.

He was surprised to see hear the crack of kido whipping around. Whaddya know the little noble had some fight, he'd barely missed a step.

xx

Byakuya sniped around Kenpachi's distraction adrenaline masking his broken foot nicely for the moment. He saw the Espada suddenly focus on him and dodged at the last minute. Sensing with surprise Kenpachi moving away he quickly gave chase drawing abreast of the demon with ease.

"It's unlike you to run from a fight," he said.

"It's called regrouping moron! You got a plan?"

"I didn't think you knew what a plan was," he replied ignoring the childish insult.

"I always fight alone, don't need to plan with myself. Yer fuckin up my day,"

"Because you always kill the people on your side,"

"Accidently! Now do you have a plan or not!"

"He has trouble tracking our flash steps,"

"No shit,"

"Can you dodge him,"

"Obviously. Ah I'm bait,"

"I won't hit you,"

"I know," the demon replied and Byakuya almost missed a step. "Let's do this princess," now that sounded like Kenpachi. They wheeled around and split up, Zaraki attacking while also making himself a target. Byakuya shot kido at him as the Espada closed to attack. Zaraki dodged away and the kido blasted the Espada instead. This worked for a while but, the Espada had so many limbs that Zaraki still took wounds and a bit of shrapnel damage was unavoidable. He saw the savage tiring and began closing on the Espada himself abandoning the plan. To his surprise Zaraki picked up on what he was doing and got his slashes in while Byakuya made himself too tempting a target to ignore. So they continued on well enough outside of minor wounds until he got clipped by a foot and fell. The pain in his slashed leg he could ignore but, as struggled to his feet he saw the Espada launch a cero and there wasn't a thing he do about it. Reiatsu flared and his last moments disappeared in a blaze of light. As his vision returned he saw Kenpachi standing between him and the cero, slowly driven back as his monstrous spiritual pressure warred with the red blast of energy. Byakuya quickly flash stepped away.

"Senbonzakura kageyoshi!" he called. The bladelets crashed into the esapda as he leaped clear of the explosion. Seeing the Espada laying on the ground as the dust settled he approached calmly. He was relieved—even if he would never admit it—to see Zaraki walking up to their opponent too some hundred-feet to his right. The savage had actually been surprisingly useful and he saw no reason to provoke the man again even if they had been at full health. At any rate the man was effective enough, what concern was it of his that the captain didn't like to kill? It was probably better for everyone that way. He calmly thrust his sword into the 'neck' of the Espada and watched it dissolve.

X

Kenpachi walked stiffly up to watch in surprise as Byakuya spared him the trouble of executing their opponent.

"Well that was relaxing," he called affecting an air of nonchalance. Just because the guy'd earned some respect didn't mean he'd stop needling him.

"Indeed," Kenpachi was speechless for a second before he started laughing. That was not the response he'd been expecting. He was further surprised to see a faint quirk of the lips in Byakuya acknowledging that he got the joke. "Get that stick out of your ass and you might be fun."

"I sincerely hope that I never meet your definition of 'fun',"

Kenpachi shook his head. Well you couldn't expect miracles. "Come on tightass," 'princess' and 'bitch' just didn't quite feel like proper insults anymore. Byakuya looked disturbed as he walked alongside him. He wondered if his comrade was trying half as hard as he was not to limp. "What's your problem?" he asked.

"Well it's just that coming from you that's practically a term of endearment," he replied. Kenpachi missed a step and glared at the other man's back. How could you look that fucking smug without changing expression?


	32. Fait Accompli (Fire and Ice 5)

**A/n I own nothing**. **This one is for Dreadful Virtue and takes place during an ambiguous time post-arrancar. Also ambassador Sugihara was a real guy in WWII look him up. While this holds true for all of underbelly if these give you any ideas run with, them just let me know so I can review**

* * *

Kenpachi watched trying to keep the sadness off his face as Yachiru sparred with some seated officers. She was pale, sweat dripping from her face yet still she handled them well. He felt his throat tighten and gave his head a shake. No one else in the squad knew, she hadn't wanted them to and he'd respected her wish but, they must have picked up on his tension as even Yumichika was giving him a wide berth.

After training they walked back to the barracks, Yachiru riding his shoulders like always and he wondered how many more times they would be able to do that.

"Don't feel bad Ken-chan," she said softer than usual and he winced. He had been trying to stay relaxed and upbeat for her.

"I don't," he snarled back.

"Things die,"

"Shut up," he replied. The harsh banter was normalcy for them and he wouldn't take that from her even if the only goddamned thing he wanted was to hug the pup. They had taken her to every doctor they could find and he'd threatened most of them. No one had a cure for the infection that was eating her alive. He'd even taken her to the Living world a few nights before, no luck. He'd destroyed half the Seireitei forest in his rage over that.

When they reached his quarters he laid her down on the mat next to his, they had started that when she began to wake up choking on the fluid in her lungs.

"I'm sorry," she said sleepily.

"Not yer fault," why was she like that? She should be angry, at the world for her illness, at him for not being able to fix it. He sure as hell was.

"I don't want to be away from you," she said innocently tearing up. He swallowed hard, goddamn it. Why was someone so fundamentally good cursed with the life she'd had.

"Don' worry bout me pup," he said his voice thick. He wanted to tell her to focus on getting better but, that would be a lie and they both knew it. She sighed and fell asleep almost instantly, the day's training having taken more of a toll than she'd have willingly admitted to. He blinked back tears in the dark and laid there for hours trying to sleep.

He must have succeeded eventually since he was awakened by a knock, rising stiffly he let the newcomer in.

"Who the fuck are you?" he asked in greeting. A slight, brown-haired man entered carrying a bag.

"I'm Dr. Sugihara, I was told that someone here needed my attention," the man spoke softly but, with the authority of someone who was very confident in their ability. He didn't really know what to say but, had nothing to lose.

"Ya can take a look but, as far as I know there's nothing ya can do," he said leading the way.

"I specialize in respiratory illness but, my knowledge extends to many things,"

"If ya' say so," he said as the man followed him into the room. Dr. Sugihara knelt next to Yachiru, frowning as he examined her.

"The infection is extremely advanced. Why have you not sought treatment?"

"I did, they did fuck all! Make 'er fucking comfortable they said! " Yachiru started at his shout and he winced. The doctor shook his head.

"I wish that I'd been able to see her sooner," the doctor chastised. "There may be permanent damage now but, if she takes this," the doctor handed him a bottle from his bag, "for two weeks and rests she should live." His hand shook as he took it. He administered the medicine to Yachiru and she coughed sticking her tongue out in disgust. The doctor nodded and walked out.

"Stay," he said to Yachiru following the doctor.

"Ya said she 'should live'. What's 'should' mean?" he asked.

The doctor shrugged, "A ninety five percent chance, maybe higher if she's naturally healthy." Gods was he serious.

"Whadda I owe ya?" he asked roughly, almost wanting to cry with relief. The man looked at him curiously but, he didn't care.

"My employer said that you'd requested my service, that you'd paid in advance," the doctor replied suspiciously.

"Who's your employer?" he asked. It was his turn to be suspicious.

"I'm on retainer for the Kuchiki estate," Dr. Sugihara replied. Well that at least explained why he couldn't find the damn doctor listed. The doctor walked away while he was still trying to figure out what the fuck had happened. Drying his eyes he returned to Yachiru.

"Yer gonna be fine," he said.

"What?" she asked.

"The doctor says long as ya keep takin the medicine you'll be fine," he repeated. She leaped onto his shoulders with a squeal. He exhaled shakily and tried to appear bored, there'd be no living with her if he showed exactly how bad her death would have fucked him up. It was a sort of unspoken agreement: they knew each other's weaknesses but, pretended not to notice unless it was flaunted.

Two weeks later—somehow he had indeed made her more or less stay put that long—he watched a much improved Yachiru happily bloodying her sparring opponents. He left the training grounds on the pretense of setting up a new course. Mostly though it was because he didn't want to explain to a bunch of his fellow goons why he was weeping like a bitch in the middle of a sparring session. That being precisely the circumstance he'd wind up in if he kept watching her. He had no idea how the man had found out about Yachiru's illness. That said if Byakuya thought he owed a debt for what had happened in Hueco Mundo he could consider it paid…in full and then some.


	33. Joie de Vivre (Fire and Ice 6)

**A/N:** Late birthday gift for the amazing SesshomaruFreak, please check out her work it's awesome. This will require familiarity with the Fullbring arc and should be read after my other fire and ice pieces.

* * *

"She seems to be doing well," the noble's refined voice said quietly behind him. God he was irritating.

"Yeah…thanks."

"For what?"

Kenpachi turned to glare at him, "Ya know."

"I'll have to fire that retainer."

"Don't."

They lapsed into silence for a moment.

"How'd ya find out anyway?"

"I'm a 'useless tightass bureaucrat' I believe was the way you put it. Knowing what's going on with my enemies goes with the territory."

Kenpachi gave him a look, "Really, how'd ya find out?"

He saw Kuchiki's lips quirk in a hint of a smile, "Yumi and Ikkaku were drinking away their sorrows or rather their bruises from your abuse, Abarai overheard he said something to Rukia, she likes the vicious little thing for some reason so…"

Kenpachi looked back to watch Yachiru train.

"I hadn't realized 'chiru had so many friends," he said sarcastically.

"Well she has a certain…joie de vivre that some people seem to find…inspiring."

"A what?"

"It means 'Joy for living'," he said and Kenpachi caught a trace of regret in his voice

"Ah, fire, yeah she has that," he said appreciatively. He sighed and swallowing his pride said, "She ain't the only one with good friends."

"Present company excepted, I trust," the noble asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Course, I meant Ikkaku and Yumi, I should thank them," he replied taking the hint.

"Perhaps not beat them bloody for a few days?"

"They'd get bored."

"I'm sure. At any rate you probably shouldn't bother, they probably felt like they owed you…you _are_ their captain."

Zaraki growled, running out of patience with the game.

"You didn't owe me anything."

The noble said nothing.

"I gave you advice and fucking obvious advice a' that!" he snarled, voice rising in anger.

"And I loaned out an employee that I wasn't using. It cost me nothing."

"I'm betting it cost ya a pretty penny."

"To you perhaps, pocket change for me."

Zaraki snarled, but tried to maintain his temper out of gratitude. He saw a flicker of something in the princess's eye.

"Are ya _trying_ ta provoke me?"

"Of course not, one hardly has to try," the light was gone and Kuchiki was back to normal, but Zaraki knew he hadn't been imagining it.

"Ya' enjoy this."

"No. It's merely an unfortunate part of having to interact with you."

"Unfortunate my ass," he laughed reaching for his sword, but Kuchiki had already turned to walk away.

He was brought back to their battle in Hueco Mundo, 'Just admit you enjoy it'. Why couldn't he, it was so easy. Bitch. Ah well, no problem of his. He returned to watching Yachiru.

Ah damnit he did owe the man after all.

"Ya' could 'ave that ya' know?" he said quietly.

"Have what?" the noble froze but didn't turn around, so Kenpachi walked up to him.

"Fire. Ya' just have ta' loosen up a bit," he slapped the noble on the back and almost knocked him flat.

He straightened with a glare that had Kenpachi expecting a sword to follow

"Easy for you to say," he snapped then his expression went blank again. He clearly regretted saying that out loud.

"Easy ta say, easy ta do. Everyone's the same once the swords are drawn all tha' matters is yer skill and yer opponent's. Ya' can lose yourself in it. Ya' fight better tha' way an'way."

"You would eschew strategy entirely? How'd that work in Hueco Mundo?"

"Well only when yer solo obviously."

"Idiot," the noble said walking away. Kenpachi shook his head, why did he try?

XxXx

Kuchiki twitched his hand away from Kenpachi's as he was sucked into his 'chat room'. Despite the other's assertion that it was simply a matter of a good fight he thought he caught a bit of worry in the barbarian gaze.

Zaraki had been trying to protect him, as repayment most likely. Zaraki claimed to have joined them out of 'boredom' and that was probably true, but Byakuya suspected he simply wanted to add his power out of a desire to square accounts.

Other than soothing his own pride, seriously he could handle himself, he knew that the warrior would be at a heavy disadvantage with this particular enemy. And not strictly because his desire for a thrill made him reckless and he would get cut by the man's Fullbring.

They had been briefed on their opponent's powers, Zaraki whatever he claimed would never be able to bring his blade to bear fully against someone he felt loyalty to. Fight without a doubt, Maim, maybe, but to kill…no. He couldn't let the idiot get himself killed over some perceived debt that didn't even exist.

The disgust he showed towards this enemy was twofold, partly he hated the man's cowardice. The other part as he told the man personally was that the bonds of camaraderie should be inviolate.

In many cases such as his own and such as, he was beginning to suspect Kenpachi's , they were the only bonds people were able to form. The only true family they had. In truth he felt closer to Renji than to most of his clan. A similar bond seemed to have formed between the barbarian and himself in Hueco Mundo at least on his own part, despite their distaste for each other.

Yes he truly hated this Tsukishima and everything he represented.

XxXx

When the noble returned Kenpachi noted in silence that he'd already taken time to collect his pup and the warrior's lips quirked slightly. So you _could_ teach a noble some sense. He saw Kuchiki's sleeveless, bloody arm and snarled quietly. He should have gotten that fight, as usual the princess was getting in his way and taking hits for him.

He was just starting to feel something like guilt when the tight assed bastard shot off his mouth about having completed their task and it being time to go.

Zaraki immediately made it clear that he'd come because he was bored, more so now for Kuchiki constantly stealing his prizes.

As he yelled he caught the light in the noble's eyes and his own widened in surprise. As he drew even, he said in a rough whisper, "Good fight?"

"I think I see where Yachiru gets her 'fire' as you call it."

"Found your joie de wha'eva?"

"Indeed," their eyes met and though the noble was expressionless, Kenpachi saw more life in his eyes than he'd have thought possible.

"Great. Now can ya' stop stealing my opponents?"

The noble shook his head, "I think you may have to fight me for the next one."

"Goodluck with that, bitch."

"That's what Tsukishima said, only he was more polite."

Zaraki laughed.


	34. Mr Shorty (Swordfighter Ballads 1)

**A/n** : I own nothing. This is a Christmas gift for HitsugayaKuchiki. It's a retelling of Marty Robbins song: Mr. Shorty www . youtube watch? v=6x6o_tBU8DU and I highly recommend listening to it after or during the reading of this piece.

* * *

Kenpachi sat at the bar drinking in silence. Six months into his captaincy, he still didn't feel comfortable with the prissy nobles that made up ninety percent of the officers in the Gotei 13. So he'd made his way to some no-name-bar in the 75th North, sat shooting straight sake and waited to see if some sort of a brawl would develop or he'd have to start one.

A white-haired kid walked in and ordered sake as well. The process of checking ID had thoroughly confused him when he heard some graduates crowing about their new status granting them exemption. If anywhere in the Rukongai had the policy, they were lower districts than he'd ever been in.

"Do you happen to know how I can get into Seireitei sir?" the kid asked slowly and precisely.

"Do I look..." he began, before remembering that he actually did and wondering for the fiftieth time what had possessed him to leave the Rukongai in the first place. Far from the greater challenges he'd been looking for, all he'd found were rules, leashes and a fuck ton of paperwork. "Eh." he grunted assent "What ya' want with that shithole."

The boy's eyes widened but he replied politely, "I want to join the academy. Ah was told I have the requisite ability," he explained, a bit of accent slipping into his slow precise words. Zaraki looked the kid over; he was dressed in decent clothes so he was from one of the lower districts yet he didn't seem nervous much less afraid. Bold kid.

"Yer freedom," he said with a shrug. The way another would say 'your funeral". "Keep walkin' tha' way. Shiny towers, flooded wi' rich bitches can' miss it," he gestured vaguely toward Seireitei. The boy raised an eyebrow and took half his drink with only a slight wince.

"I thought maybe you could lead me there or draw a map or something. I've been chasing 'ova thar's for three days," he said finishing his drink with another wince.

"Impatient kid like ya's gonna hate the place," he warned with a rough laugh.

"Ain't no kid," he snarled, teal eyes flashing.

Zaraki laughed again, "Meant no offense. Hell got a pup out there waiting fer' me," a hint of pride slipped into his voice. "Maybe half your size. Could probably kick the ass o' half the guys in 'ere." Glares from around the bar met this challenge, but he looked around with a smile and the gazes all lowered. Disappointed he looked back at the kid. The anger was gone and there was only a sort of lost look in the kid's eyes. He knew that look, lower districts or not the kid'd been through some shit.

A man walked in, almost as tall as Zaraki himself and rough looking with a bloody gash running down the side of his face.

"The usual and make it quick!" the man snapped. "What're you looking at pipsqueak?" the kid Zaraki had been talking to leaped from his stool.

"Who you callin' pipsqueak, oaf?" he snarled.

"You, half pint. What're ya' even doing in here?"

"Drinking and you can call me Toshiro," the boy said coldly. Zaraki watched idly as the man rose.

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want ya' little runt. Now bow an' say 'please spare me Ryuu-sama' an'…I might." The man took a threatening step forward. Zaraki stood as rage flooded through him, about to see to it that this piece of shit fought someone his own size. Actually, that'd be almost as unfair a fight, but this asshole had it coming.

"All I'm asking is some basic courtesy Ryuu-san," the boy replied.

"Yer either able to demand respect or you don't 'serve it," the man snarled and took a swing, Zaraki launched himself at the man and the moment froze. Not just the moment Zaraki stared at the man, Ryuu was incased in ice, terror etched on his face. Zaraki raised his own arm and saw frost on it.

"Guess you don't deserve it then," Toshiro said quietly as he walked out of the bar with an apology to the bartender. Zaraki returned to his stool and ordered a double. Seireitei might not be so boring after all.


	35. Art of Persuasion (Urahara, Ichigo)

**A/n:** I own nothing. A gift for my pack mate Fract.

* * *

Ichigo sighed as Karin's harsh gaze locked on his own, daring him to answer Yuzu's innocent question.

'Why work with him if you think he's evil?' had been the question 'he' being Mayuri.

"He's a scientist he...has skills that are useful..." Ichigo ventured swallowing his own bile.

"Hat and clogs has the same skills," Karin hissed venomously. She was strong-willed and surprisingly perceptive. An annoying combination he found. He gave her a 'not helping' look and returned his attention to Yuzu.

"Yes but he...did something bad and was punished."

"So he's like grounded?" Yuzu asked.

Ichigo sighed and nodded, close enough.

"But you said this Mayuri was worse," Karin prodded. Ichigo growled and glared at her.

"Soul Society doesn't agree."

"So punch them until they do," Karin snapped with an unspoken 'duh'.

Ichigo blinked.

"That isn't..." a thought occurred to him." That isn't the way to handle some things but...you may be on to something."

Karin's eyes lit with a fierce battle-glow and Ichigo quickly amended himself, "Not about the punching. Politicians and warriors are different and not all situations can be solved by violence...or should be," he added quickly seeing her doubtful look.

XX

As soon as he could get free, he booked it to Urahara's shop to discus his idea, proud of himself to be the idea guy for a change.

When he showed up he quickly detailed his plan and Urahara simply cuffed him...hard.

"Hey!"

"They won't take me back!"

"I can try to convince them, you totally proved yourself better than him," Ichigo said fervently. A long pause followed.

"I doubt they feel the same but even if you could convince them I'm not interested," Urahara said his voice tight, on the edge of breaking. Ichigo was surprised but pretended not to notice.

"Why? You're perfectly suited to it, hell you created the job."

"Because there's a reason they use Mayuri."

Ichigo stared at him not following.

"They will expect the same from me...I do not wish to be involved in that," Urahara said firmly.

"That's exactly why you have to do it, because you can..." Ichigo searched for the word, "Scam them. You can get the job done...and still do the right thing."

"You place to much faith in me," Urahara said tightly with a forced laughed.

"Maybe...But I think even if you laugh and scheme like people are pieces on a chessboard I feel like...to be girly for a sec...I think you feel for their loss. I feel like you grieve your choices even if you never show it and that makes a difference."

"Not really except maybe to make me less efficient."

"It makes you try to save people where you can."

"It makes me not want the job," Urahara snapped.

Ichigo lost patience, "You'd let people die, rot in vats of acid, forced into kamikaze attacks, used as test subject for every fucked up torture machine he devises just to keep your conscience clean?"

Urahara's expression took on a thoughtful look and he rested a finger against his chin.

Ichigo waited straining not show triumph or eagerness.

"Yep."

"Coward!"

"Yep."

Despite the jaunty answer Ichigo caught a flicker of fear in the scientist's eyes.

"What are you so scared of?"

Urahara said nothing.

Ichigo's eyes widened, "You won't turn into him."

Urahara closed his eyes and when he opened them again they carried the implacable will they'd held when he'd fought Aizen.

"Yes I will."

"Even if that was true and I don't for a second think it is, you would still be the lesser of evils."

"I think I liked you better before I got you interested in philosophy."

"Would you fucking stop it!"

Urahara blinked and Ichigo pressed his advantage, "Stop fucking making a joke out of everything I'm serious. If you could save even ten people or gave a few a merciful death instead of torture then it's your duty to do it."

Urahara gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes and reminded Ichigo more of Aizen, than of anything he'd ever seen on the shop keeper's face.

"Since when have I cared for that?" the light tone didn't match that smile in the least and a cold feeling flowed through Ichigo.

Ichigo swallowed anger and fear and tried to think though his reply, "You always have. You've always helped people even when they spat in your face." he dipped his head in acknowledgement that he'd been one of those.

"To serve my own ends."

"Bullshit."

"Really?" that arctic smile again.

"Yeah not to say you didn't achieve things for yourself but I've never seen you let an innocent be hurt if you could stop it."

Urahara opened his mouth then closed it, the smile faltered and his shoulders slumped.

"Then imagine what that job would do to me," he whispered.

"What the fuck does it matter if you can save people?"

"Out," Urahara's eyes were frozen steel the word granite hard and without inflection.

"What?"

"Get. Out."

Ichigo did, in haste.

XXX

Urahara slammed the door shut behind him and stalked down to his lab before slamming and locking that door as well. He sank down, back resting against the door and crossed his arms. He exhaled a shaky breath and drew in another. A sob broke free then another. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the door sobbing for his shame, his fear, his anger at himself and Soul Society and the universe at large. And lastly he sobbed for his guilt past and future. Lord knew it would probably be his last chance. And for all the guilt he bore he spared a thought for the maggot's nest prisoner who's worst instincts he's indulged like encouraging a junkie. He'd been proud of himself for that one, finding a use for the outcasts. He buried his face in his knees, even though the lab was sound proof.

Two days later he opened the door to find a sheepish looking Ichigo.

"Hey so uh..." Ichigo rubbed a hand through his hair.

"You talked to C46," Urahara said.

"Uh yeah...they said the jobs your's if you accept," Ichigo said obviously trying not to show his surprise that Urahara knew.

He smirked, "You can be...persuasive."

"God why's everyone always think I'm only good at violence we just _talked_ ," Ichigo said misinterpreting the statement as Urahara had mostly intended.

Urahara laughed.

"So...is there any chance you'll reconsider?"

"Yeah in fact let's leave now," Urahara said, maintaining a straight face despite Ichigo's hilarious expression.

"Oh man...really?" Ichigo looked at him suspiciously and Urahara nodded. "That's...see it was mostly a pride thing so I had to sort of tell them that you were begging to come back and..."

"You had no plan b?"

Ichigo said nothing.

"Idiot!"

"Well it worked didn't it?"

Urahara nodded bitterly as they headed to the senkaimon .

"Thanks."

"No problem." Persuasive son of a bitch.


End file.
